The NF's in-laws are currently in the Holyland and the decision was made that we would all (the in-laws, Mr and Mrs NF and the 4 little NFs) go to a hotel in Herziliya for Shabbat. Let me just say that a good time was had by all (the company was good, the food was excellent and getting away now and again is always kind of fun) even if little NF #2 woke everyone up on Shabbat morning at 4:15 AM and even if davening in hotels is the absolute pits....
Let us dwell on this last point for just a moment ---
Davening in hotels sucks. Why? the possibilities:
1. There is a chazzan way past his prime who thinks people have come to the hotel just to hear him belt a few out.
2. There is no chazzan or baal koreh or anyone else who can read Hebrew so when the mashgiach asks in (the middle of dinner of course) "who wants to lein tomorrow?", the old wifee says, "the NF loves to lein" --- and it turns out to be Parshat Ki Tavoh....(this happened once)
3. The minyan is made up of you and 9 guys who look like they are taxi drivers: Jeans (with wallet bulging out), overly tight fake armani t-shirt, a lot of cologne, lots of gold necklaces, sunglasses on top of their heads, and a little "pyramid" kippah floating somewhere above their shaved or highly jelled hair. (we'll have to have a post about these guys one of these days). These guys are not shomer shabbat but when it comes to Friday night davening, there is nothing holier. Of course, they are unwilling to be the chazzan so you must do it in your traditional Ashkenazi way....
Failure to read all of Shir Hashirim or sing the one melody they know for Lecha Dodi gets you dirty looks, lots of jeering and if you need to call a taxi Motza"sh you just know you are in trouble...
4. Everyone there but you is tone deaf. Trying to sing anything results in a cacophany of sound that makes Mother's milk turn sour and causes diahrrea.
So The NF and his father in law go to shul Friday everning and find all three of the four conditions are met.
An 88 -year old chazzan honored us with his rendition of Kabbalt Shabbat. (there was a baal koreh!), the minyan was largely made up of Taxi drivers and no could sing to save their lives.
On the positive side, davening in a hotel gives those that want to practice their chazzunus abilities an opprtunity to completly stink without risking a gonging....you want to sing Kedusha to SuperFragilisticallyExpeadlodocious? --- here is your opportunity. Think that amazing grace fits nicely for Kel Ha-adon?....go head -- have fun.
So the NF ended up doing shacharit and yes, I tested out a few melodies --- specifically --- Kol Mikadesh Shvii for Kedusha --- it worked well although you must start very very low and you must repeat words....
the old chazzan running the show (who I later heard tell someone that he had foregotten to put in his hearing aids before shabbat) came over to the NF right before Chazarat Hashat"z when the NF went to wash his hands (I'm of priestly stock) and a) told me that he liked my nusach/davening and b) asked if I was from Czechslovakia?
Uh. thanks and no.
Getting back home last night, Yoni R. told me I had missed some fine gonging...
The NF contacted the gonging Gabbai and the big Gong to find out that Shloime Baruch sang avinu avinu (but of course he did -- Is the pope catholic? Does the litvak follow the chumrah? Does cholent cause golbal warming?) and he sang Keter to the melody "Memories" from Cats. That is so wrong.
Shavua Tov.
The NF
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
A guest blog
The NF's introduction to this week's guest blog written by The Big Gong:
Roughly three weeks ago, the gongoing gabbai showed tremendous levels of hishtadlus and put the yodeller up to daven musaf knowing full well that:
1. the yodeller would sing avinu avinu (and badly)
2. the yodeller would probably yodle kedusha like he did on y"k
3. The NF would be forced to bring out the gong and then write about it on the blog.
Actual results:
1. the yodeller did sing avinu avinu leading a number of people in the shul to vomit on their shoes.
2. Kedusha was indeed yodelled as it was on Y"k. At the time the Yodeller did this, the shul was hosting a number of prospective gerim/chayilim from the Netiv program many enjoying thier first ever experience in a shul. Let's just say that the Yodeller succeeded in discouraging gerut in a way that would make Shulchan Aruch proud.
3. Unlike Y"k the NF --- standing next to the Big Gong ---- did not laugh/cry. I was shocked and stunned that someone could so horribly mangle the davening. The NF had absolutely no idea what I could say about this experience. So the NF asked the big Gong if he would like to guest blog.
4. It took much prodding to get the the Big Gong to finish his writing....but folks here it is....
________________________________________________
I was honoured when the Freak asked if I'd write a guest piece for the now famous blog. This request came some weeks ago, and I now find myself sleepless and on an aeroplane, with nothing better to do, so here goes.
As one of our good books says, 'potchim bichvod ha'achsania'. I suppose that's the Freak.
Ashreinu that he's torn down barriers I never knew could be torn down. Never before did I realise that it could be entirely appropriate to wet oneself during a mussaf kedusha, and yet that's almost happened on several occasions.
At least in the shul I grew up in, and I don't suppose it's especially unusual amongst modern orthodox institutions in chu'l, things like the Tefila l'shalom ha'medina are said with more kavana by the tzibbur than Kol Nidrei or Unetana Tokef. And yet, just this last week, I found myself in pieces as a now timeless rendition of 'Avinu Avinu' was belted out by an otherwise passable baal tefilla. It was special not only because the Freak called it the night before, but because it was executed so badly the fellow lost his place half way through. Even our yodelling friend never got it that wrong.
This post would be incomplete without expressing my profound and personal thanks to the Freak for an act of sublime chesed recently performed for my benefit.
I had a bad cold (man flu - nearly fatal don't you know). I was asked to daven shacharit. I said yes. I don't claim or pretend to have a good voice. I can probably hold some tunes, and I'd like to think I know my limitations - ie I try to get it done quickly and passably. It got to Kel Adon. Normally I'd churn out some Carlebach something - perhaps to 'shomrim hafkid' or similar (don't they all sound the same?), but this time I went for my favourite - and if you've never heard Ehud Banai sing it, you must. Unfortunately with mutilated sinuses (sinii?), I started at a key so low, the only things capable of joining in were manatees and certain species of wild dogs. One stanza in, I'm enjoying myself, and with ears equally blocked, I was blissfully unaware of the pain being felt around the room as the low wave frequencies started interfering with the workings of people's bowels.
From the corner of my eye, I saw some sort of interchange between the Freak and the Gonging Gabbai, and before I knew it, the Freak was leading the rest of the piyut in a key several scales higher. The congregation and I were reunited.
Now you probably couldn't get away with doing that in many shuls, but it's certainly a measure of something good that it can happen in our shul.
Now for something a little more serious to think about: The Big Gong and his long suffering wife had the pleasure of lunch chez Mr + Mrs Freak. Lunch was excellent, and dessert was even better. After lunch, the Freak and I were killing time until the children got particularly out of hand and we could sneak off to mincha. A measure of the Freak's modernity is that he was washing up whilst Mrs Freak was lording it in the garden with Mrs Big Gong.
Of the many things we discussed, we talked about nusach. Now I may not be able warble away like Hershtik, Helfgott or Haschel (trying saying those three names when you've drunk too much Slivovitz), but I do have a good understanding of the structure of prayer, what we say when, and what tunes fit with the moment and are generally acceptable - at least according to the venerable 'Blue Book'.
This is simply because I grew up in a proper shul with a proper chazan, and with a congregation that actually got upset if the Pesach yigdal was sung instead of the Shavuot yigdal, or if the shaliach tzibbur fluffed a 'someich noflim' or an 'Avraham yagel' during shabbat mincha.
And you know what, as ridiculous as it may sound, my love for 'organised prayer', my spiritual connection to certain times of the year and certain tefillot, is so much stronger because of this experience during my formative years.
And then I think about our kids. They'll grow up davening in a shuk, where you can only buy fruit in sealed paper bags, and you won't know what you've bought until you open the bag. Sometimes the oranges will be nice, other times the apples won't be. Sometimes they'll get something out of davening, and other times they'll be wetting themselves during kedusha, when let's be honest, they really shouldn't.
So my view, for whatever it may be worth, is that the shul should have a defined nusach (and not just the nusach of the person at the amud), and possibly even some preferred tunes. I appreciate that it's difficult when the 'mob' tend to daven one nusach, and the vast majority of the quality baalei tefilla daven another, but you get my point.
One of the many things communities are built on are the songs we sing together, and I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness that my kids are unlikely to feel those same moments of connection when they hear a particular tune that I always will.
What do you think?
Roughly three weeks ago, the gongoing gabbai showed tremendous levels of hishtadlus and put the yodeller up to daven musaf knowing full well that:
1. the yodeller would sing avinu avinu (and badly)
2. the yodeller would probably yodle kedusha like he did on y"k
3. The NF would be forced to bring out the gong and then write about it on the blog.
Actual results:
1. the yodeller did sing avinu avinu leading a number of people in the shul to vomit on their shoes.
2. Kedusha was indeed yodelled as it was on Y"k. At the time the Yodeller did this, the shul was hosting a number of prospective gerim/chayilim from the Netiv program many enjoying thier first ever experience in a shul. Let's just say that the Yodeller succeeded in discouraging gerut in a way that would make Shulchan Aruch proud.
3. Unlike Y"k the NF --- standing next to the Big Gong ---- did not laugh/cry. I was shocked and stunned that someone could so horribly mangle the davening. The NF had absolutely no idea what I could say about this experience. So the NF asked the big Gong if he would like to guest blog.
4. It took much prodding to get the the Big Gong to finish his writing....but folks here it is....
________________________________________________
I was honoured when the Freak asked if I'd write a guest piece for the now famous blog. This request came some weeks ago, and I now find myself sleepless and on an aeroplane, with nothing better to do, so here goes.
As one of our good books says, 'potchim bichvod ha'achsania'. I suppose that's the Freak.
Ashreinu that he's torn down barriers I never knew could be torn down. Never before did I realise that it could be entirely appropriate to wet oneself during a mussaf kedusha, and yet that's almost happened on several occasions.
At least in the shul I grew up in, and I don't suppose it's especially unusual amongst modern orthodox institutions in chu'l, things like the Tefila l'shalom ha'medina are said with more kavana by the tzibbur than Kol Nidrei or Unetana Tokef. And yet, just this last week, I found myself in pieces as a now timeless rendition of 'Avinu Avinu' was belted out by an otherwise passable baal tefilla. It was special not only because the Freak called it the night before, but because it was executed so badly the fellow lost his place half way through. Even our yodelling friend never got it that wrong.
This post would be incomplete without expressing my profound and personal thanks to the Freak for an act of sublime chesed recently performed for my benefit.
I had a bad cold (man flu - nearly fatal don't you know). I was asked to daven shacharit. I said yes. I don't claim or pretend to have a good voice. I can probably hold some tunes, and I'd like to think I know my limitations - ie I try to get it done quickly and passably. It got to Kel Adon. Normally I'd churn out some Carlebach something - perhaps to 'shomrim hafkid' or similar (don't they all sound the same?), but this time I went for my favourite - and if you've never heard Ehud Banai sing it, you must. Unfortunately with mutilated sinuses (sinii?), I started at a key so low, the only things capable of joining in were manatees and certain species of wild dogs. One stanza in, I'm enjoying myself, and with ears equally blocked, I was blissfully unaware of the pain being felt around the room as the low wave frequencies started interfering with the workings of people's bowels.
From the corner of my eye, I saw some sort of interchange between the Freak and the Gonging Gabbai, and before I knew it, the Freak was leading the rest of the piyut in a key several scales higher. The congregation and I were reunited.
Now you probably couldn't get away with doing that in many shuls, but it's certainly a measure of something good that it can happen in our shul.
Now for something a little more serious to think about: The Big Gong and his long suffering wife had the pleasure of lunch chez Mr + Mrs Freak. Lunch was excellent, and dessert was even better. After lunch, the Freak and I were killing time until the children got particularly out of hand and we could sneak off to mincha. A measure of the Freak's modernity is that he was washing up whilst Mrs Freak was lording it in the garden with Mrs Big Gong.
Of the many things we discussed, we talked about nusach. Now I may not be able warble away like Hershtik, Helfgott or Haschel (trying saying those three names when you've drunk too much Slivovitz), but I do have a good understanding of the structure of prayer, what we say when, and what tunes fit with the moment and are generally acceptable - at least according to the venerable 'Blue Book'.
This is simply because I grew up in a proper shul with a proper chazan, and with a congregation that actually got upset if the Pesach yigdal was sung instead of the Shavuot yigdal, or if the shaliach tzibbur fluffed a 'someich noflim' or an 'Avraham yagel' during shabbat mincha.
And you know what, as ridiculous as it may sound, my love for 'organised prayer', my spiritual connection to certain times of the year and certain tefillot, is so much stronger because of this experience during my formative years.
And then I think about our kids. They'll grow up davening in a shuk, where you can only buy fruit in sealed paper bags, and you won't know what you've bought until you open the bag. Sometimes the oranges will be nice, other times the apples won't be. Sometimes they'll get something out of davening, and other times they'll be wetting themselves during kedusha, when let's be honest, they really shouldn't.
So my view, for whatever it may be worth, is that the shul should have a defined nusach (and not just the nusach of the person at the amud), and possibly even some preferred tunes. I appreciate that it's difficult when the 'mob' tend to daven one nusach, and the vast majority of the quality baalei tefilla daven another, but you get my point.
One of the many things communities are built on are the songs we sing together, and I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness that my kids are unlikely to feel those same moments of connection when they hear a particular tune that I always will.
What do you think?
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Oh, all right.
Although the NF put the blog in "suspended" mode just a 11 days ago, just too much happened last Shabbat to not post.
First things first, a number of you contacted the NF directly following the "suspension" annoucnement to express their shock and let me know the NF had your support. Example:
----Original Message-----
From: ****** R
Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009 1:42 PM
To: The NF
Subject: RE: New post --- the blog is being put into suspended mode
>My life officially has no meaning from this point forward.
----
The NF is touched. really.
Dictatorships
The gonging gabbai asked the NF to lead kabalat shabbat this past week. Now the NF is not a fan of using the Maoz Tzur melody for L'cha Dodi on Shabbat Chanuka --- we sing the song enough over the 8 days that it doesn't have to be used for yet another thing. And it's kitsch. (The NF was irritated last year when some guy threw it into kedusha on shabbat chanuka - it didn't fit resulting in a gong). Yet, the NF recognizes that a good chazan/baal tefilla jas to be a "benevolent dictator" as an American friend, MMD, likes to say. What do I mean? A creative chazzan can mix things up a bit (and generally do what he wants to do) as long as he doesn't piss the kahal off by using the wrong melody instead of what they are expecting - even if he (strongly) dislikes the melody. (The NF is not talking about the integrity of so called "mi-sinai" melodies - like Kol Nidrei, chatzi kaddish before musaf on r"h & y"k, tal & geshem --failure to use those melodies results in harsh punishements such as cleaning out the filters at the mikveh right afetr the whole community has dipped erev y"k).
For example, the NF hates the Israeli melody for Ki hinei kachomer (from Y"k night)...but the NF knows that should he introduce a different melody, he'll piss off the kahal. So I use the annoying melody.
The NF has davened in shuls where the baal tefilla is not a benevolent dictator and does something to piss the kahal off; the kahal usually "punishes" the chazan by a) not singing along for anything and b) making sure the said chazan is never again asked to lead anything other than mincha on R"h.
So the NF felt -- although he didn't like it --- he HAD to use the maoz tzur melody for lecha dodi. I did get dirty looks from both YS and Dr. D, physician. I suppose using Maoz Tsur is better than using "I had a little dreidel" or "I've been dreaming of a White Christmas"
Kibud or Right
Just after the gonging gabbai asked the NF to daven, the NF noticed a guest walk in--- but not just a regular guest - a father of a shul member who fancies himself to be quite the baal tefilla. In fact this guest was the inspiration behind the KTC post. Half-jokingly, I asked the gonging gabbai if he wouldn't prefer to have this guest daven. The Gonging Gabbai (GG) then remembered that this guest's child had asked if the guest could lead kabalat Shabbat. GG went over to confirm that he wanted to daven...the response: "Machar(tomorrow)-Shacharit" as if it were obvious that it would be a big treat to have him lead.
So the guy starts shacharit the next morning sounding like a dying cat and then suddenly in the middle of birchat kriat shmaa he stops and points to his throat and walks away from the shtender. The entire shul let out a sigh of relief but not for long....
the GG (who still hasn't davened since finishing aveilut) decided he would continue as chazan but as he neared the shtender, Timmy, the baal habus who wrecked Maariv the first night of R"h decided that he hadn't davened in a while, rushed to the shtender and effectivly shoved the GG aside. Timmy's Hallel was bad. very bad. Example: He started the neigh neigh neigh's going into ana Hashem Hoshiya nah in a pitch that only dogs can hear....and then he went very flat when the neigh neighs finished.
The NF doesn't get it --- serving as a chazan on Shabbatot and of course special shabbatot and chagim is a kibud, not a right. I'm not sure where people --- especially the tonedeaf and castrati amongst us --- get a sense of entitlement from.
Repeating words
The NF is kind of indifferent to the issue of repeating words....yeah, I know that there are tons of rabbanim that are very against it, but a) The Abeshter, in His all-knowing way, should be able to figure out what you are trying to say even if you do repeat a word or two and b) At least in Israel it's become pretty mekubal to have some limited repeating of words....in summary it doesn't bother me all that much.
So Shloime Baruch davens Musaf. His grade: C-
1. It was getting late already and he sang Avinu Shebashayim. Gong
2. His Birchat Hachodesh was really boring. He used the melody for Sheyibaneh Beit Hmikdash but never did the high part. He forgot to wait for the GG to announce the molad... Gong x 3
3. And then we had his kedusha....Shloime has a really nice voice but he doesn;t like to shake it up....he always does a chazzunus bit going into Aye Mikom K'vodo...Knowing this, the NF suggested to a few guys sitting with the NF ("J", Dr. D, etc that we count how many times he repeats) Unfortunetly we were all counting different words....the NF counted 11 k'vodos, J counted 14 malehs and Dr. D pointed out two l'haritsos...Even though the NF is not bothered by repeating words, this is just too much and once again, the Abeshter sent down a bat kol that he would be exiting the olam for a while. Please note, He hasn't done this since Parshat Zachor last year. Gongs x 26
It's good to be back after that 11 day hiatus....
The NF
First things first, a number of you contacted the NF directly following the "suspension" annoucnement to express their shock and let me know the NF had your support. Example:
----Original Message-----
From: ****** R
Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009 1:42 PM
To: The NF
Subject: RE: New post --- the blog is being put into suspended mode
>My life officially has no meaning from this point forward.
----
The NF is touched. really.
Dictatorships
The gonging gabbai asked the NF to lead kabalat shabbat this past week. Now the NF is not a fan of using the Maoz Tzur melody for L'cha Dodi on Shabbat Chanuka --- we sing the song enough over the 8 days that it doesn't have to be used for yet another thing. And it's kitsch. (The NF was irritated last year when some guy threw it into kedusha on shabbat chanuka - it didn't fit resulting in a gong). Yet, the NF recognizes that a good chazan/baal tefilla jas to be a "benevolent dictator" as an American friend, MMD, likes to say. What do I mean? A creative chazzan can mix things up a bit (and generally do what he wants to do) as long as he doesn't piss the kahal off by using the wrong melody instead of what they are expecting - even if he (strongly) dislikes the melody. (The NF is not talking about the integrity of so called "mi-sinai" melodies - like Kol Nidrei, chatzi kaddish before musaf on r"h & y"k, tal & geshem --failure to use those melodies results in harsh punishements such as cleaning out the filters at the mikveh right afetr the whole community has dipped erev y"k).
For example, the NF hates the Israeli melody for Ki hinei kachomer (from Y"k night)...but the NF knows that should he introduce a different melody, he'll piss off the kahal. So I use the annoying melody.
The NF has davened in shuls where the baal tefilla is not a benevolent dictator and does something to piss the kahal off; the kahal usually "punishes" the chazan by a) not singing along for anything and b) making sure the said chazan is never again asked to lead anything other than mincha on R"h.
So the NF felt -- although he didn't like it --- he HAD to use the maoz tzur melody for lecha dodi. I did get dirty looks from both YS and Dr. D, physician. I suppose using Maoz Tsur is better than using "I had a little dreidel" or "I've been dreaming of a White Christmas"
Kibud or Right
Just after the gonging gabbai asked the NF to daven, the NF noticed a guest walk in--- but not just a regular guest - a father of a shul member who fancies himself to be quite the baal tefilla. In fact this guest was the inspiration behind the KTC post. Half-jokingly, I asked the gonging gabbai if he wouldn't prefer to have this guest daven. The Gonging Gabbai (GG) then remembered that this guest's child had asked if the guest could lead kabalat Shabbat. GG went over to confirm that he wanted to daven...the response: "Machar(tomorrow)-Shacharit" as if it were obvious that it would be a big treat to have him lead.
So the guy starts shacharit the next morning sounding like a dying cat and then suddenly in the middle of birchat kriat shmaa he stops and points to his throat and walks away from the shtender. The entire shul let out a sigh of relief but not for long....
the GG (who still hasn't davened since finishing aveilut) decided he would continue as chazan but as he neared the shtender, Timmy, the baal habus who wrecked Maariv the first night of R"h decided that he hadn't davened in a while, rushed to the shtender and effectivly shoved the GG aside. Timmy's Hallel was bad. very bad. Example: He started the neigh neigh neigh's going into ana Hashem Hoshiya nah in a pitch that only dogs can hear....and then he went very flat when the neigh neighs finished.
The NF doesn't get it --- serving as a chazan on Shabbatot and of course special shabbatot and chagim is a kibud, not a right. I'm not sure where people --- especially the tonedeaf and castrati amongst us --- get a sense of entitlement from.
Repeating words
The NF is kind of indifferent to the issue of repeating words....yeah, I know that there are tons of rabbanim that are very against it, but a) The Abeshter, in His all-knowing way, should be able to figure out what you are trying to say even if you do repeat a word or two and b) At least in Israel it's become pretty mekubal to have some limited repeating of words....in summary it doesn't bother me all that much.
So Shloime Baruch davens Musaf. His grade: C-
1. It was getting late already and he sang Avinu Shebashayim. Gong
2. His Birchat Hachodesh was really boring. He used the melody for Sheyibaneh Beit Hmikdash but never did the high part. He forgot to wait for the GG to announce the molad... Gong x 3
3. And then we had his kedusha....Shloime has a really nice voice but he doesn;t like to shake it up....he always does a chazzunus bit going into Aye Mikom K'vodo...Knowing this, the NF suggested to a few guys sitting with the NF ("J", Dr. D, etc that we count how many times he repeats) Unfortunetly we were all counting different words....the NF counted 11 k'vodos, J counted 14 malehs and Dr. D pointed out two l'haritsos...Even though the NF is not bothered by repeating words, this is just too much and once again, the Abeshter sent down a bat kol that he would be exiting the olam for a while. Please note, He hasn't done this since Parshat Zachor last year. Gongs x 26
It's good to be back after that 11 day hiatus....
The NF
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Has it come to this?
After dropping off the little NFs at their respective schools and ganim on Friday morning, the NF turned on the radio to the car to reshet gimmel (All Israeli music, all the time). Being that this past shabbat was the 108th anniversary of the birth of Walt Disney, the DJ decided to precede the usual Friday morning hit parade of Mediterranean music (read: Tchach-tchach music) with a Disney hits translated into Hebrew....first up: It's a small world after all -זה עולם קטן מאוד. So the NF thinks to himself, boy, that would be inappropriate to use during davening ---with a 4/4 beat, I bet it fits to El Ha-adon. It does!!!! So then the NF decided to see if it could fit for kedusha of musaf --- it fits beautifully for Kvodo and Mimkomo! Please note that the next song --- when you wish upon a star --- didn't seem to fit to anything in the Jewish liturgy.
After shul Friday night, the Big Gong approached the NF and said, "I think it may be time to shut down the blog". You see the gonging gabbai asked the yodeling guy who had made the NF cry on Y"k to daven friday night. With bated breath the kahal waited for something special and we got.....nothing. zippo. efes. nada. bubkis. The guy gave us a plain vanilla textbook maariv (a kid had led kabbalat shabbat in the fine tradition of Alvin and the Chipmunks). I really can't disagree with the Big Gong on this one....week in and week out no material makes itself available to the NF --- even old dependable sources such as Yankel & the Yodeler have not come through for us. Thus, the blog will be on "suspended mode" until further notice.
Signing off for the time being....
the NF
After shul Friday night, the Big Gong approached the NF and said, "I think it may be time to shut down the blog". You see the gonging gabbai asked the yodeling guy who had made the NF cry on Y"k to daven friday night. With bated breath the kahal waited for something special and we got.....nothing. zippo. efes. nada. bubkis. The guy gave us a plain vanilla textbook maariv (a kid had led kabbalat shabbat in the fine tradition of Alvin and the Chipmunks). I really can't disagree with the Big Gong on this one....week in and week out no material makes itself available to the NF --- even old dependable sources such as Yankel & the Yodeler have not come through for us. Thus, the blog will be on "suspended mode" until further notice.
Signing off for the time being....
the NF
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I haven't posted in a while...
...a) I've been busy (especially with the Sefer Torah) and b) I keep waiting for material. Since the chagim ended really nothing of nusach note-worthiness has come up in the NF's shul. This is kind of shocking because there have been a few bar mitzvah's in the NF's shul in the last 6 weeks including Yankel's son --- the NF was sure we were going to get some material but no! Each bar mitzvah has been more normal than the next.
The Gonging Gabbai claims that the lack of gongable material is because he is running such a tight ship. Don't know. What I can tell you is that the Gonging Gabbai, fresh out of aveilut, has declined to lead davening for fear of being gonged. wuss.
Sure there have been little things that have come up ---
1. The guy who davened geshem on S"T asked me what I thought of pouring water on the Shat"z when he hits משיב הרוח ומוריד הגשם. The NF's opinion: Stupid and un-original. (We should be able to come up with much more amusing things -- like filling the Kohanim's shoes with Peanut Butter during Birkat Kohanim of Shacharit) But when I heard that there were those that were opposed to it because the shat"z's talit might get wet and he might come to do s'chita (more likely is that he'll take out a gun and shoot the guy who got his heavy -- and now very smelly - wool talit wet), the NF realized that people really need to eat more whole wheat challah to help get the religious sticks out of their behinds.
2. The guy who did birkat hachodesh for kislev didn't use any chanukah related melodies for יחדשיהו. That deserves a mini-gong.
So shul has recently been - Yawn - boring. We need someone to come in and try singing kedusha to amazing grace or adon alom to Bizet (oh, yeah that has been done). The NF calls on each and everyone of you to go out there and do something assinine in shul. If we don't act know, the holy mesorah of the gong will be lost to future generations.
Tizku l'mitzvot.
The NF
The Gonging Gabbai claims that the lack of gongable material is because he is running such a tight ship. Don't know. What I can tell you is that the Gonging Gabbai, fresh out of aveilut, has declined to lead davening for fear of being gonged. wuss.
Sure there have been little things that have come up ---
1. The guy who davened geshem on S"T asked me what I thought of pouring water on the Shat"z when he hits משיב הרוח ומוריד הגשם. The NF's opinion: Stupid and un-original. (We should be able to come up with much more amusing things -- like filling the Kohanim's shoes with Peanut Butter during Birkat Kohanim of Shacharit) But when I heard that there were those that were opposed to it because the shat"z's talit might get wet and he might come to do s'chita (more likely is that he'll take out a gun and shoot the guy who got his heavy -- and now very smelly - wool talit wet), the NF realized that people really need to eat more whole wheat challah to help get the religious sticks out of their behinds.
2. The guy who did birkat hachodesh for kislev didn't use any chanukah related melodies for יחדשיהו. That deserves a mini-gong.
So shul has recently been - Yawn - boring. We need someone to come in and try singing kedusha to amazing grace or adon alom to Bizet (oh, yeah that has been done). The NF calls on each and everyone of you to go out there and do something assinine in shul. If we don't act know, the holy mesorah of the gong will be lost to future generations.
Tizku l'mitzvot.
The NF
Monday, October 26, 2009
ahhh Cheshvan...
...Nothing too significant has been happening in shul since the end of the chagim. For lack of better material, the NF is putting up a picture of this week's parsha, Lech Lecha, from the sefer torah (I'm actually in the middle of Lech Lecha)...Notice, the tagin have still not been added.
Peace-
The NF
Peace-
The NF
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The NF hates Simchat Torah
....If I have to explain why then you wouldn't understand in the first place.
Let me just say that the NF perfect solution to S"T is to go to the local hashkama minyan. We started at 6:00 am and were done by 8:20 (For all you folk in chu"l that includes yizkor and geshem as well). Roughly 100 people came. (another perfect solution would be to celbrate S"t in an old age home preferably in a ward where most of the patients are comatose).
The Big Gong, sitting next to the NF, noticed that the NF was thoroughly enjoying himself at the hashkama minyan. The NF's response: "I just saw another five people come into shul. Just seeing how many people hate S"T makes the NF happy."
For Hakafot, we walked around the bima 7 times and everyone there smiled and said: "This is the way it's supposed to be."
Unfortunetly, the NF's wife and kids throught it would be a good idea for the NF to take them to the main minyan for hakafot. Pain and agony. And boredom and many many Jewish men walking around and around in a circle doing the "We are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance for hours while singing really horrible songs. And of course as things dies down there is always some A**-h*le that decides he needs to start another song even though most people would prefer having an enema rather than continue with hakafot. I don't want to go into the damage done to sifrei torah on S"T....
At least there is a movement gaining ground (at least here in the Holyland) which recognizes that S"T sucks. Tzohar published an interesting article looking for ways to modify the stupid minhag of having everyone get an aliya on S"T. And hashkama minyanim seem to be more and more popular every year.
The NF is currently looking forward to the month of Cheshvan
Let me just say that the NF perfect solution to S"T is to go to the local hashkama minyan. We started at 6:00 am and were done by 8:20 (For all you folk in chu"l that includes yizkor and geshem as well). Roughly 100 people came. (another perfect solution would be to celbrate S"t in an old age home preferably in a ward where most of the patients are comatose).
The Big Gong, sitting next to the NF, noticed that the NF was thoroughly enjoying himself at the hashkama minyan. The NF's response: "I just saw another five people come into shul. Just seeing how many people hate S"T makes the NF happy."
For Hakafot, we walked around the bima 7 times and everyone there smiled and said: "This is the way it's supposed to be."
Unfortunetly, the NF's wife and kids throught it would be a good idea for the NF to take them to the main minyan for hakafot. Pain and agony. And boredom and many many Jewish men walking around and around in a circle doing the "We are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance for hours while singing really horrible songs. And of course as things dies down there is always some A**-h*le that decides he needs to start another song even though most people would prefer having an enema rather than continue with hakafot. I don't want to go into the damage done to sifrei torah on S"T....
At least there is a movement gaining ground (at least here in the Holyland) which recognizes that S"T sucks. Tzohar published an interesting article looking for ways to modify the stupid minhag of having everyone get an aliya on S"T. And hashkama minyanim seem to be more and more popular every year.
The NF is currently looking forward to the month of Cheshvan
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