Sunday, May 23, 2010

Shavuot round-up and Parshat Naso

There were three highlights to the NF's Shavuot:

1. My wife's cooking and specifically --- an incredibly good onion cheese quiche that found the perfect balance between savory and sweet as well as between creamy and flaky; and a grade A cheesecake that had a velvety texture, a custardy aftertaste and just the right hint of vanilla flavour. Both were very rewarding...but the NF digresses. (Can you tell that the NF really wanted to be a food critic?)

2. J's excellent arvit on Shavuot night and YS's excellent shacharit on shavuot monring. Friends, these guys know nusach. The Society of Nusach Freakhood is pleased to annouce that both J and YS are the winners of this month's highest Nusach honour: The Golden Shtender. Way to go gentlemen (and I use the term loosely).

3. Timmy went and asked the gonging gabbai of he could daven musaf on chag --- Unfortunetly the gonging gabbai didn't say no and Timmy proceeded to mumble through חזרת הש"ץ. Gong. and he faked the nusach badly. Gong.
While Timmy gave us his poor rendition, J, YS and the NF sat inventing new charade pantomimes for suicide. It was the third highlight of my chag. Pantomimes included:
  • shooting oneself in the temple
  • inserting a pistol in one's mouth and shooting.
  • Hanging oneself.
  • Opening a jar of pills, pouring out the entire contents into the other hand and swallowing
  • Slitting one's writs
  • Jumping out of a building
  • electrocuting oneself
  • inserting a stick of dynamite into one's mouth and setting off the charge
  • inserting a sword into one's stomach, samurai style
  • Turning on the gas oven and then inserting one's head.
Yes. Musaf was that bad.

Parshat Naso.

"H" Davened friday night..."H" Has a very very nice voice and is the chazzan in the NF's shul now and again (especially during the chagim). Yet he was super gonged firday night....he was schleppy and sang in a way so that no one could sing along and ----- he couldn't decide on a nusach --- he said כגוונא, then skipped ויצמח פורקניה before kaddish. After מגן אבות he said מזמור לדוד but then omitted ויצמח פורקניה in קדיש before ברכו. Gong Gong Gong.

Mendy davened musaf --- as he got up there, the NF was sure we were in for an avinu avinu followed by some idiotic melody for קדיש before musaf. But alas, Mendy davened really nicely with no shenanigans. Apparently, the Gonging Gabbai told him he had 10 minutes....Way to go Gonging Gabbai.

Dr. D spent shabbat at a hotel and called me this morning to let me know that he experienced (in his words) --- "Beating the crap out of the gong" after hearing a really terrible chazzan friday night. Interesting.

It has come to the NF's attention that Yoni R. posted a link to Nusach Freak in the comments section of  the Life in Israel blog in response to a post mentioning the shul on the beach.

apparently, the rav of the aforementioned shul read my blog entry --- here are his comments:
that {} post is highly offensive, wildly inaccurate and shows such a small-minded attitude about Judaism.

Le me respond by saying that the NF blog is satire --- the NF will often make use of the absurd (example: making kiddush on humus flavoured schnapps) as part of that satire --- the NF is not trying to be 100% accurate. If one doesn't appreciate satire in general or my joking about shul/nusach, there isn't much more I can say than Gong and we all give you the finger (so you can lein of course). However, it is never my intent to insult. So to anyone who may have been offended by my postings I say:
1. Please accept my apologies and
2. Please don't read my blog anymore.