As noted in the last few posts, the NF now davens in a shul that has a very low tolerance for shtuyot which means that very little material has made itself available in the last 11 months since we moved.
But this past Shabbat was special --- Sitting through a complelty inoffensive shacharit a new term was born.
Baal shacharit was an old guy with completly inoffensive and boring but tolerable nusach. But then when the Torah was taken out, he decided that despite the fact that there was a long double parsha and birchat hahodesh, it would be a good idea to sing Beh Ana Rachitz very very slowly. And then it dawned on me. the chazzan wasn't guilty of cantorial masturbation; No he was guilty of cantorial stupidity.
We managed to get through the leining and then the Swiss Army Thespian got up to daven musaf. He did the יהי רצון for ברכת החדש using the old school, שיבנה בית המקדש melody. The melody kind of makes me think of hava nagila, gefilte fish balls, electric blue carpeting, satin talitot and the Men's Club at a 1960s-era Orthodox/Conservative shul. But Swiss pulled it off ok and I suppose the melody is appropriate for the month of Av. He then correctly used the אלי ציון melody for יחדשיהו.
But then we got to Kedusha. Now, Swiss has mentioned to me a number of times that he is looking to win a golden shtender. But yesterday, Swiss did not win anything....
First he used the melody from אין לי ארץ אחרת which is both ugly and inappropriate for kedusha. But I could have forgiven him for that.....and then we had Sunrise/Sunset for the 2nd half of Kedusha. Oh barf! Frankly, it made everyone feel icky all over.
As a general rule of thumb, we should try to keep Broadway and shul separate.
Sorry, Swiss, you have been gonged.