Sunday, June 13, 2010

Self Gratification

Yesterday, as the haftara was being completed, the NF saw Shloime Baruch heading up to the shulchan to serve as chazzan for Musaf.

It was late --- given that it was Shabbat Rosh Hodesh --- and very stuffy in the kindergarten where the NF's shul davens. Right before תפילה לשלום המדינה a few people standing around the shulchan all whispered  יעלה and סע  to Shloime. (Translation: It's nonsense please). So what did Shloime do? He starts a very schleppy Avinu Avinu and calls up the old choir from Yom Haatzmaut --- they even hummed Hatikva at the end while Shloime read the end of the tefilla prose style. Barf. Neither he nor the choir members noticed that most of the shul members were rolling their eyes or giggling.
Shloime has commited the shul crime of cantorial masturbation --- that is self gratification through the unwanted introduction of cantorial pieces into the davening. No one wanted to hear Avinu Avinu and certainly not with the choir. And that hatikva bit was completely uncalled for. The NF couldn't take it when little NF #4 pooed himself (he's still in diapers), the NF volunteered to leave shul early to change him (Mrs. NF forgot to bring diapers). Mrs. NF stayed for musaf and reported that Shloime:
1. Schlepped through musaf (she thought it would never end)
2. Then turned around to the kahal at the end of davenign and asked for a cigarette.

When the NF got to mincha, he noticed that Shloime seemed to be having trouble seeing and his palms were getting a bit hairy....

The only positive takeaway from this whole experience is that Mrs NF has told the NF he can daven at the Neighborhood Hashkama minyan (the nicest minyan in town in my book --- not too rushed, ok singing etc) for the next few weeks.

Shavua tov,

the NF


yoni r. said...

1. Nice imagery.
2. Layning this week at Hashkama will be a treat.

Dr D Physician said...

I guess when NF#4 conveniently opened his bowels, this is a case of 'gam poo latovah'?

The Big Gong said...

But seriously... can't someone just say "don't sing it"?

As has been said on this blog before: davening is anything but a democracy, but actually it should be "davening is anything but anarchay". The whole notion of standing up there and singing, or trying to sing, whatever you like (whilst yodelling, farting or whatever) is a recipe for an unhappy community - of which this post is but one expression.

When people dislike poor baalei tefilla enough to vote with their feet, and that's something that should be responded to.

I think that choral piece is now causing more negative feelings for the State of Israel than any botched flotilla raid could ever achieve.

Is there any truth to the rumour that Shloimie and the Yodeller are really card carrying members of the IHH?

Pass me the gun, and I'll pull the trigger.