the NF can now be contacted via email at:
nusachfreak@gmail.com
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Howling at the moon
The time: 5:13 PM, just minutes before Shabbat was to end this past week
The place: The street corner where we daven on Motza"sh because we are too lazy to walk an extra block to shul
The weather conditions: Very windy and very overcast
So Big Yoni Posselizer (formerly known as Yoni R) crosses the street and says "it's my favorite time of the month --- we get to do a "We are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance at the end of Maariv". The Big Posselizer is of course referring to the completly uninspired shuffle that 4 or 5 guys do at the end of kidush levana while singing "טובים מאורות". This shuffle, which is distantly related to the "White man's overbite" from When Harry Met Sally, is performed by this small group of men for anyone of the following reasons:
1. They want to delay for as long as possible going home to their wives and children.
2. It is their monthly form of excercise.
3. They like touching other men.
There was just one problem. YS led maariv and becasue he insisted on saying all the words, by the time we got around to kidush levana the moon was no longer visible behind the cloud cover. So the NF (who does not join the טובים מאורות shuffle although avoiding his wife and kids for an extra three minutes on Motzai Shabbat would probably be a good idea), the Baltimore Chop and The Big Posselizer are standing on the corner pointing up to the spot where the moon should be, looking like a bunch of imbeciles. The NF then called upon the Lord: "Oh Lord, Please Moon Us!" But to no avail.
He who answered our forefathers, did not answer us.
The place: The street corner where we daven on Motza"sh because we are too lazy to walk an extra block to shul
The weather conditions: Very windy and very overcast
So Big Yoni Posselizer (formerly known as Yoni R) crosses the street and says "it's my favorite time of the month --- we get to do a "We are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance at the end of Maariv". The Big Posselizer is of course referring to the completly uninspired shuffle that 4 or 5 guys do at the end of kidush levana while singing "טובים מאורות". This shuffle, which is distantly related to the "White man's overbite" from When Harry Met Sally, is performed by this small group of men for anyone of the following reasons:
1. They want to delay for as long as possible going home to their wives and children.
2. It is their monthly form of excercise.
3. They like touching other men.
There was just one problem. YS led maariv and becasue he insisted on saying all the words, by the time we got around to kidush levana the moon was no longer visible behind the cloud cover. So the NF (who does not join the טובים מאורות shuffle although avoiding his wife and kids for an extra three minutes on Motzai Shabbat would probably be a good idea), the Baltimore Chop and The Big Posselizer are standing on the corner pointing up to the spot where the moon should be, looking like a bunch of imbeciles. The NF then called upon the Lord: "Oh Lord, Please Moon Us!" But to no avail.
He who answered our forefathers, did not answer us.
Monday, November 29, 2010
A taste of childhood
Very rarely, a smell, taste or sight can bring back a stong memory of childhood. A video posted on youtube 2 days ago did just that...
The video shows the KAJ (Breuer's) Choir singing ובנחה יאמר by Japhet. Hearing this melody brought back such a strong memory of time spent in our little yekke shul as a kid that the NF literally could taste the Kedem Malaga kiddush wine and Schnecken cookies served at the Shabbat Mevarchim kiddush following musaf.
While the NF acknowledges that his little yekke shul was far from perfect, I have many happy memories from going to shul as a kid. I must wonder what associations are being created in my the 4 little NFs' heads going to a "vanilla" Israeli shul and hearing timless classics such as Avini Avini.
Monday, November 22, 2010
A positive experience
So the NF's mother in law was in town for a couple of weeks and as such , she requested that we go away for shabbat. Without giving away too much information, let's just say that the greater NF family headed to the North of the country to a hotel that caters to the religious population. Knowing my own personal experiences in the past as well as after hearing about Dr. D, physician's largely negative experience at hotels, the NF did not have high hopes for Shabbat....
Upon entering the lobby a couple of hours before Shabbat, we were greeted with 4 just-out-of the army guys singing unbelievable a capella. And then I knew everything was going to be all right.
Upon arriving in the hotel shul a few minutes before shabbat, I was happy to discover that the aforementioned 4 guys were actually a choir (מפתח סול) brought by the hotel management to accompany the hotel chazzan.
A few years ago, an anglo tourist asked me what my favorite place Israel was. Among my top 5: The arrival hall at Ben Gurion airport. Huh? I'm sure you are asking. Yes. The arrival hall at Ben Gurion. The NF loves the happy buzz of families meeting returning children who have only recently been released from Japanese/Thai prisons after being caught traficking drugs. The NF loves the family of olim who made aliya 30 years ago and still dresses that way, awaiting savta to come off the plane. I love the charedi guys who have just travelled for 12 hours, walk out of the baggage claim area with a shtreimel box and a duty free bag with 30 boxes of ciggarettes and 3 bottles of scotch trailed by their wives pushing a cart with 19 pieces of luggage and holding 13 children. I love seeing the tel avivi/chiloni kibbutznik pick up his girlfriend and start playing tonsel hockey the moment they meet. (Get a room!) Friends/family from all walks of life are greeting their loved ones and in the excitement of the moment everyone forgets how much they can't stand one another. Sure the fights will start when everybody gets home. But for the time being, it's all dvash (honey).
The NF loves seeing the Tel Avivi, the moshavnik, the kibuttznuik, the charedi, the dati leumi all happy and sharing a common ground.
That's exactly what the NF felt as a chazzan accompanied by this marvelous choir started a very nice carlebach kabbalat Shabbat. The NF felt this way because there were Jews from all walks of life in the shul. Dati Leumi, Chabadnikim, Chasidim in bekkeshes and shtreimels, Lithuanians in frocks and hats, sephardim, a few masoratim and even some chilonim wearing nothing but loin clothes (I'm kidding for those of you with no sense of humour) sharing the moment and participating by singing along. In truth, the chazzan himself was not my cup of tea, but he was more of a baal tephilla/wedding singer than a "cantor" and his nusach was very good. What made kabbalat shabbat one of the nicest I ever heard was that choir.
Dinner was delicious, the kids behaved and we all went to sleep by a reasonable hour....
The Chazzan led mussaf the next morning again accompanied by the choir...of course the NF knew what was coming after the haftara --- Avinu Avinu and it sounded something like this (the guys were once in the Army rabbinical choir). The NF can now admit it. I actually like Avinu Avinu when it is sung by a group of guys that give it some kavod. (Unlike the yodeller, Shloime Baruch and Mendy). then it was time for Mishaberech for chayalei Tzahal .While the chazzan read the tephilla the choir hummed על כל אלה . Cheesy but very pretty.
Things did start breaking down during musaf and a few gongs were given out. The choir harmonized Keter beautifully to the melody of.....................
Somewhere over the rainbow. Gong!
and for mimkomo, they hamorized even more beautifully to the melody of.................
O sole mio. Gong!
But the NF so enjoyed hearing the choir that all was forgiven....
Upon entering the lobby a couple of hours before Shabbat, we were greeted with 4 just-out-of the army guys singing unbelievable a capella. And then I knew everything was going to be all right.
Upon arriving in the hotel shul a few minutes before shabbat, I was happy to discover that the aforementioned 4 guys were actually a choir (מפתח סול) brought by the hotel management to accompany the hotel chazzan.
A few years ago, an anglo tourist asked me what my favorite place Israel was. Among my top 5: The arrival hall at Ben Gurion airport. Huh? I'm sure you are asking. Yes. The arrival hall at Ben Gurion. The NF loves the happy buzz of families meeting returning children who have only recently been released from Japanese/Thai prisons after being caught traficking drugs. The NF loves the family of olim who made aliya 30 years ago and still dresses that way, awaiting savta to come off the plane. I love the charedi guys who have just travelled for 12 hours, walk out of the baggage claim area with a shtreimel box and a duty free bag with 30 boxes of ciggarettes and 3 bottles of scotch trailed by their wives pushing a cart with 19 pieces of luggage and holding 13 children. I love seeing the tel avivi/chiloni kibbutznik pick up his girlfriend and start playing tonsel hockey the moment they meet. (Get a room!) Friends/family from all walks of life are greeting their loved ones and in the excitement of the moment everyone forgets how much they can't stand one another. Sure the fights will start when everybody gets home. But for the time being, it's all dvash (honey).
The NF loves seeing the Tel Avivi, the moshavnik, the kibuttznuik, the charedi, the dati leumi all happy and sharing a common ground.
That's exactly what the NF felt as a chazzan accompanied by this marvelous choir started a very nice carlebach kabbalat Shabbat. The NF felt this way because there were Jews from all walks of life in the shul. Dati Leumi, Chabadnikim, Chasidim in bekkeshes and shtreimels, Lithuanians in frocks and hats, sephardim, a few masoratim and even some chilonim wearing nothing but loin clothes (I'm kidding for those of you with no sense of humour) sharing the moment and participating by singing along. In truth, the chazzan himself was not my cup of tea, but he was more of a baal tephilla/wedding singer than a "cantor" and his nusach was very good. What made kabbalat shabbat one of the nicest I ever heard was that choir.
Dinner was delicious, the kids behaved and we all went to sleep by a reasonable hour....
The Chazzan led mussaf the next morning again accompanied by the choir...of course the NF knew what was coming after the haftara --- Avinu Avinu and it sounded something like this (the guys were once in the Army rabbinical choir). The NF can now admit it. I actually like Avinu Avinu when it is sung by a group of guys that give it some kavod. (Unlike the yodeller, Shloime Baruch and Mendy). then it was time for Mishaberech for chayalei Tzahal .While the chazzan read the tephilla the choir hummed על כל אלה . Cheesy but very pretty.
Things did start breaking down during musaf and a few gongs were given out. The choir harmonized Keter beautifully to the melody of.....................
Somewhere over the rainbow. Gong!
and for mimkomo, they hamorized even more beautifully to the melody of.................
O sole mio. Gong!
But the NF so enjoyed hearing the choir that all was forgiven....
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A breakthrough
The Yodeller davened musaf this past week. Thankfully, he didn't sing Avinu Avinu but then in kedusha he decided to yodel....As usual it was slightly off-key, full of repeated words and uninspiring. When the NF went to wash his hands before birkat kohanim he saw that "David Wallaby", a self-described hazzanut mumcheh was davening at our shul. So the NF asked if he recognized the yodeller's yodel. Apparently, the yodeller is trying to imitate an uber-famous hazzanut work composed by Leible Glanz. There are just a few problems with the yodeller's rendition:
1. Unlike Leibele, the Yodeler does not have a chazzan's voice
2. Unlike Leibele, the Yodeller is singing unaccompanied by a choir
3. Unless you really like chazzanut and Leibele Glanz's compositions and the chazzan singing has a really really nice voice, the said melody will give you a headache.
Here is a clip of Chazzan Netanel Baram singing the composition (not badly I must add -- I just don't like chazzanut). (When the NF played the you tube clip for Mrs. NF this morning, she covering her ears and started yelling "make it stop", she then started twitching and speaking in tongues.)
In summary, we have discovered what is behind the yodel and the yodeller is clearly guilty of cantorial self-gratification.
1. Unlike Leibele, the Yodeler does not have a chazzan's voice
2. Unlike Leibele, the Yodeller is singing unaccompanied by a choir
3. Unless you really like chazzanut and Leibele Glanz's compositions and the chazzan singing has a really really nice voice, the said melody will give you a headache.
Here is a clip of Chazzan Netanel Baram singing the composition (not badly I must add -- I just don't like chazzanut). (When the NF played the you tube clip for Mrs. NF this morning, she covering her ears and started yelling "make it stop", she then started twitching and speaking in tongues.)
In summary, we have discovered what is behind the yodel and the yodeller is clearly guilty of cantorial self-gratification.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Guest Post - By Dr. D, Physician
Dr. D. called the NF early on in chol hamoed to let me know that material had made itself available at Tel Aviv hotel on the water.
We, the gonging community, appreciate Dr. D's thinking of us while on holiday and providing us with this guest post.
------
Emboldened by his recent award of a golden shtender, Dr D, physician, went with high spirits to a top hotel in Tel Aviv for Succot. Actually Dr D should point out that that the NF awarded 4 golden shtenders for Yom Kippur, which given that there are only 5 services reduces the meaning somewhat but Dr D is still delighted.
Now, the NF has already written about hotel minyanim, but the events of Succot were so terrible that they need documenting in order to warn future generations.
On Shabbat Chol HaMoed, Dr D decided to attend the hotel minyan as he could not be bothered to walk 15mins to the shul he was familiar with. Also, stuffed with pastries, cheeses and coffee, the walk to the hotel shul was difficult enough let alone beyond....There was a sense of foreboding as the hotel chazzan (whose voice resembled a stuttering sheep according to a relative) has a bad habit of incorporating his two sons (pre-pubescent) into the davening. Dr D has strident views on Jewish music - basically, Jewish music is bad enough, but sung by boys is excrutiating. Hearing pre-teenage boys screaming high notes all pronounced in that heavy oy-de-doy asheknazus makes Dr D pray for deafness. More on that later. Meanwhile, one of the obviously affluent Americans in the crowd did Pesukei Dezimra- and SANG most of the post-Ashrei paragraphs. By 'sang', he actually had figured out tunes to things -including applying Mizmor LeDavid for the latter half of Nishmat - huge huge gong. What next?? Rabbi Yishmael omer to Tov Lehodot Hashem?!?! This is the problem of letting rich people daven. Too many people suck up to them and let them get away with nusach-acide.
Shacharit- an Israeli led this and it has to be conceded that he was good so onwards....
Mussaf -cue the Chazzan and his two sons who sounded like strangled cats -really - terrible. Boys -like Jewish music should be seen and not heard (actually,not seen either).
But the piece de resistance - yes - Avinu Avinu with the two strangled cats humming the HaTikva at the end.
The gong was bashed to pieces.
----
thank you Dr. D.
--- the NF
We, the gonging community, appreciate Dr. D's thinking of us while on holiday and providing us with this guest post.
------
Emboldened by his recent award of a golden shtender, Dr D, physician, went with high spirits to a top hotel in Tel Aviv for Succot. Actually Dr D should point out that that the NF awarded 4 golden shtenders for Yom Kippur, which given that there are only 5 services reduces the meaning somewhat but Dr D is still delighted.
Now, the NF has already written about hotel minyanim, but the events of Succot were so terrible that they need documenting in order to warn future generations.
On Shabbat Chol HaMoed, Dr D decided to attend the hotel minyan as he could not be bothered to walk 15mins to the shul he was familiar with. Also, stuffed with pastries, cheeses and coffee, the walk to the hotel shul was difficult enough let alone beyond....There was a sense of foreboding as the hotel chazzan (whose voice resembled a stuttering sheep according to a relative) has a bad habit of incorporating his two sons (pre-pubescent) into the davening. Dr D has strident views on Jewish music - basically, Jewish music is bad enough, but sung by boys is excrutiating. Hearing pre-teenage boys screaming high notes all pronounced in that heavy oy-de-doy asheknazus makes Dr D pray for deafness. More on that later. Meanwhile, one of the obviously affluent Americans in the crowd did Pesukei Dezimra- and SANG most of the post-Ashrei paragraphs. By 'sang', he actually had figured out tunes to things -including applying Mizmor LeDavid for the latter half of Nishmat - huge huge gong. What next?? Rabbi Yishmael omer to Tov Lehodot Hashem?!?! This is the problem of letting rich people daven. Too many people suck up to them and let them get away with nusach-acide.
Shacharit- an Israeli led this and it has to be conceded that he was good so onwards....
Mussaf -cue the Chazzan and his two sons who sounded like strangled cats -really - terrible. Boys -like Jewish music should be seen and not heard (actually,not seen either).
But the piece de resistance - yes - Avinu Avinu with the two strangled cats humming the HaTikva at the end.
The gong was bashed to pieces.
----
thank you Dr. D.
--- the NF
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Post Simchat Torah Write up
As many of you may recall, the NF is not a fan of Simchat Torah. However, this year's festivities passed without too much discomfort.
the NF and family attended evening hakafot at the local yokel shul --- nothing too offensive occured --- just a lot of men going around and around in circles and women looking on bored. Simchat Torah morning, the NF headed over to the early minyan (start time: 6 AM). The early minyan was standing room only...and very fast. The gabbaim told the chazan for shacharit that he was allowed to sing no more than 2 songs -- hakafot lasted 5 minutes and we zipped through leining. Baal Musaf (Tefillat Geshem) did a nice job and the NF went home (at 8:15 AM) with a big smile on his face.
Adding to the fun was Yoni R's shtick...in a November post from last year, the NF mentioned that if one were to perfrom shtick on Simchat Torah it might as well be original --- like putting peanut butter in the Cohanim's shoes during birkat Cohanim...When the NF finished duchening in shacharit, he went to put on his shoes only to find a surprise as placed there by Yoni R.
The following is a photographic reconstruction of what I found....
....the note inside contained my aforementioned blog spot with my peanut butter suggestion highlighted. Way to go Yoni R.
Given Yoni R. consistent dedication to this blog, the board has voted 5 to 2 to change his blog psuedoname to something cooler than Yoni R. I request that, you the readers, provide me with feedback on what that cool new name should be.
the options:
1. the Artist formerly known as Yoni R.
2. Big Jim R.
3. Statler
4. The Stam posselizer
A couple of additional items...
Last night, the Baltimore Chop told me of a terrible occurence....At the main minyan at one of the shuls in the neighborhood, the baal koreh, Rabbi Tom Hagen, sang kaddish before maftir to take me out to the ball game. Gong. Simchat Torah is not Purim. No Cracker Jacks for you.
and although we have a year until next year's chagim --- here is an awesome version of kol nidrei as sung by Kol Achai.
--- the NF
the NF and family attended evening hakafot at the local yokel shul --- nothing too offensive occured --- just a lot of men going around and around in circles and women looking on bored. Simchat Torah morning, the NF headed over to the early minyan (start time: 6 AM). The early minyan was standing room only...and very fast. The gabbaim told the chazan for shacharit that he was allowed to sing no more than 2 songs -- hakafot lasted 5 minutes and we zipped through leining. Baal Musaf (Tefillat Geshem) did a nice job and the NF went home (at 8:15 AM) with a big smile on his face.
Adding to the fun was Yoni R's shtick...in a November post from last year, the NF mentioned that if one were to perfrom shtick on Simchat Torah it might as well be original --- like putting peanut butter in the Cohanim's shoes during birkat Cohanim...When the NF finished duchening in shacharit, he went to put on his shoes only to find a surprise as placed there by Yoni R.
The following is a photographic reconstruction of what I found....
Given Yoni R. consistent dedication to this blog, the board has voted 5 to 2 to change his blog psuedoname to something cooler than Yoni R. I request that, you the readers, provide me with feedback on what that cool new name should be.
the options:
1. the Artist formerly known as Yoni R.
2. Big Jim R.
3. Statler
4. The Stam posselizer
A couple of additional items...
Last night, the Baltimore Chop told me of a terrible occurence....At the main minyan at one of the shuls in the neighborhood, the baal koreh, Rabbi Tom Hagen, sang kaddish before maftir to take me out to the ball game. Gong. Simchat Torah is not Purim. No Cracker Jacks for you.
and although we have a year until next year's chagim --- here is an awesome version of kol nidrei as sung by Kol Achai.
--- the NF
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