A taste of childhood

Very rarely, a smell, taste or sight can bring back a stong memory of  childhood. A video posted on youtube 2 days ago did just that...

The video shows the KAJ (Breuer's) Choir singing ובנחה יאמר  by Japhet. Hearing this melody brought back such a strong memory of  time spent in our little yekke shul as a kid that the NF literally could taste the Kedem Malaga kiddush wine and Schnecken cookies served at the Shabbat Mevarchim kiddush following musaf. 

While the NF acknowledges that his little yekke shul was far from perfect, I have many happy memories from going to shul as a kid. I must wonder what associations are being created in my the 4 little NFs' heads going to a "vanilla" Israeli shul and hearing timless classics such as Avini Avini.

A positive experience

So the NF's mother in law was in town for a couple of weeks and as such , she requested that we go away for shabbat. Without giving away too much information, let's just say that the greater NF family headed to the North of the country to a hotel that caters to the religious population.  Knowing my own personal experiences in the past as well as after hearing about Dr. D, physician's largely negative experience at hotels, the NF did not have high hopes for Shabbat....

Upon entering the lobby a couple of hours before Shabbat, we were greeted with 4 just-out-of the army guys singing unbelievable a capella. And then I knew everything was going to be all right.

Upon arriving in the hotel shul a few minutes before shabbat, I was happy to discover that the aforementioned 4 guys were actually a choir (מפתח סול) brought by the hotel management to accompany the hotel chazzan.

A few years ago, an anglo tourist asked me what my favorite place Israel was. Among my top 5: The arrival hall at Ben Gurion airport. Huh? I'm sure you are asking. Yes. The arrival hall at Ben Gurion. The NF loves the happy buzz of families meeting returning children who have only recently been released from Japanese/Thai prisons after being caught traficking drugs. The NF loves the family of olim who made aliya 30 years ago and still dresses that way, awaiting savta to come off the plane. I love the charedi guys who have just travelled for 12 hours, walk out of the baggage claim area with a shtreimel box and a duty free bag with 30 boxes of ciggarettes and 3 bottles of scotch trailed by their wives pushing a cart with 19 pieces of luggage and holding 13 children.   I love seeing the tel avivi/chiloni kibbutznik pick up his girlfriend and start playing tonsel hockey the moment they meet. (Get a room!) Friends/family from all walks of life are greeting their loved ones and in the excitement of the moment everyone forgets how much they can't stand one another. Sure the fights will start when everybody gets home. But for the time being, it's all dvash (honey).

The NF loves seeing the Tel Avivi, the moshavnik, the kibuttznuik, the charedi, the dati leumi all happy and sharing a common ground.

That's exactly what the NF felt as a chazzan accompanied by this marvelous choir started a very nice carlebach kabbalat Shabbat. The NF felt this way because there were Jews from all walks of life in the shul. Dati Leumi, Chabadnikim, Chasidim in bekkeshes and shtreimels, Lithuanians in frocks and hats, sephardim, a  few masoratim and even some chilonim wearing nothing but loin clothes (I'm kidding  for those of you with no sense of humour) sharing the moment and participating by singing along.  In truth,  the chazzan himself was not my cup of tea, but he was more of a baal tephilla/wedding singer than a "cantor" and his nusach was very good. What made kabbalat shabbat one of the nicest I ever heard was that choir.

Dinner was delicious, the kids behaved and we all went to sleep by a reasonable hour....

The Chazzan led mussaf the next morning again accompanied by the choir...of course the NF knew what was coming after the haftara --- Avinu Avinu and it sounded something like this (the guys were once in the Army rabbinical choir). The NF can now admit it. I actually like Avinu Avinu when it is sung by a group of guys that give it some kavod. (Unlike the yodeller, Shloime Baruch and Mendy). then it was time for Mishaberech for chayalei Tzahal .While the chazzan read the tephilla the choir hummed על כל אלה . Cheesy but very pretty.

Things did start breaking down during musaf and a few gongs were given out. The choir harmonized Keter beautifully to the melody of.....................

Somewhere over the rainbow. Gong!

and for mimkomo, they hamorized even more beautifully to the melody of.................

O sole mio. Gong!

But the NF so enjoyed hearing the choir that all was forgiven....

A breakthrough

The Yodeller davened musaf this past week. Thankfully, he didn't sing Avinu Avinu but then in kedusha he decided to yodel....As usual it was slightly off-key, full of repeated words and uninspiring. When the NF went to wash his hands before birkat kohanim he saw that "David Wallaby", a self-described hazzanut mumcheh was davening at our shul. So the NF asked if he recognized the yodeller's yodel. Apparently, the yodeller is trying to imitate an uber-famous hazzanut work composed by Leible Glanz. There are just a few problems with the yodeller's rendition:


1. Unlike Leibele, the Yodeler does not have a chazzan's voice
2. Unlike Leibele, the Yodeller is singing unaccompanied by a choir
3. Unless you really like chazzanut and Leibele Glanz's compositions and the chazzan singing has a really really nice voice, the said melody will give you a headache.

Here is a clip of Chazzan Netanel Baram singing the composition (not badly I must add -- I just don't like chazzanut). (When the NF played the you tube clip for Mrs. NF this morning, she covering her ears and started yelling "make it stop", she then started twitching and speaking in tongues.)

In summary, we have discovered what is behind the yodel and the yodeller is clearly guilty of cantorial self-gratification.

Guest Post - By Dr. D, Physician

Dr. D. called the NF early on in chol hamoed to let me know that material had made itself available at  Tel Aviv hotel on the water.

We, the gonging community, appreciate Dr. D's thinking of us while on holiday and providing us with this guest post.


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Emboldened by his recent award of a golden shtender, Dr D, physician, went with high spirits to a top hotel in Tel Aviv for Succot. Actually Dr D should point out that that the NF awarded 4 golden shtenders for Yom Kippur, which given that there are only 5 services reduces the meaning somewhat but Dr D is still delighted.


Now, the NF has already written about hotel minyanim, but the events of Succot were so terrible that they need documenting in order to warn future generations.

On Shabbat Chol HaMoed, Dr D decided to attend the hotel minyan as he could not be bothered to walk 15mins to the shul he was familiar with. Also, stuffed with pastries, cheeses and coffee, the walk to the hotel shul was difficult enough let alone beyond....There was a sense of foreboding as the hotel chazzan (whose voice resembled a stuttering sheep according to a relative) has a bad habit of incorporating his two sons (pre-pubescent) into the davening. Dr D has strident views on Jewish music - basically, Jewish music is bad enough, but sung by boys is excrutiating. Hearing pre-teenage boys screaming high notes all pronounced in that heavy oy-de-doy asheknazus makes Dr D pray for deafness. More on that later. Meanwhile, one of the obviously affluent Americans in the crowd did Pesukei Dezimra- and SANG most of the post-Ashrei paragraphs. By 'sang', he actually had figured out tunes to things -including applying Mizmor LeDavid for the latter half of Nishmat - huge huge gong. What next?? Rabbi Yishmael omer to Tov Lehodot Hashem?!?! This is the problem of letting rich people daven. Too many people suck up to them and let them get away with nusach-acide.

Shacharit- an Israeli led this and it has to be conceded that he was good so onwards....

Mussaf -cue the Chazzan and his two sons who sounded like strangled cats -really - terrible. Boys -like Jewish music should be seen and not heard (actually,not seen either).

But the piece de resistance - yes - Avinu Avinu with the two strangled cats humming the HaTikva at the end.

The gong was bashed to pieces.

----

thank you Dr. D.

--- the NF

Post Simchat Torah Write up

As many of you may recall, the NF is not a fan of Simchat Torah. However, this year's festivities passed without too much discomfort.

the NF and family attended evening hakafot at the local yokel shul --- nothing too offensive occured --- just a lot of men going around and around in circles and women looking on bored. Simchat Torah morning, the NF headed over to the early minyan (start time: 6 AM).  The early minyan was standing room only...and very fast. The gabbaim told the chazan for shacharit that he was allowed to sing no more than 2 songs -- hakafot lasted 5 minutes and we zipped through leining. Baal Musaf (Tefillat Geshem) did a nice job and the NF went home (at 8:15 AM) with a big smile on his face.

Adding to the fun was Yoni R's shtick...in a  November post from last year,  the NF mentioned that if one were to perfrom shtick on Simchat Torah it might as well be original --- like putting peanut butter in the Cohanim's shoes during birkat Cohanim...When the NF finished duchening in shacharit, he went to put on his shoes only to find a surprise as placed there by Yoni R.

The following is a photographic reconstruction of what I found....

....the note inside contained my aforementioned blog spot with my peanut butter suggestion highlighted. Way to go Yoni R.

Given Yoni R. consistent  dedication to this blog, the board has voted 5 to 2 to change his blog psuedoname to something cooler than Yoni R. I request that, you the readers, provide me with feedback on what that cool new name should be.

the options:

1. the Artist formerly known as Yoni R.
2. Big Jim R.
3. Statler
4. The Stam posselizer

A couple of additional items...

Last night, the Baltimore Chop told me of a terrible occurence....At the main minyan at one of the shuls in the neighborhood, the baal koreh, Rabbi Tom Hagen,  sang kaddish before maftir to take me out to the ball game. Gong. Simchat Torah is not Purim. No Cracker Jacks for you.

and although we have a year until next year's chagim --- here is an awesome version of kol nidrei as sung by Kol Achai.

--- the NF





 

A guest post

Moadim L'simcha to all you gongers...
while wishing you all moadim l'simcha I am reminded of when I lived in NY many moons back --- the NF noticed that new york jews are not good listeners and often hear what they want to hear. So on shabbat, I would greet all those of the Hebraic persuasion with a merry "Flannel Pajamas" (instead of Gutt Shabbes)....if the person had a kippa sruga on their head, I would say " I'm from Rome" (instead of Shabbat Shalom). No one ever beat an eye lash.

So when greeting someone on chol hamoed, I could have said, gutten moed or moadim l'simcha....but the NF wanted to see if anyone was actually listening....so every time I passed a "yid with a lid", I would mumble the name of a billionaire --- such as Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet....not once did anyone question what I had just said and instead mumbled something back at me....still not sure what.

So Rupert Murdoch to you all.

The NF prayed in his local yokel shul on the first day of chag --- "Slow as Molasses" davened shacharit and was well, slow as molasses. "H" Davened musaf in his usual  eyes closed, impossible to sing along with sort of way. Nothing too offensive, nothing really to gong.

Meanwhile, the Big Gong attended the early minyan both on the first day of chag and on shabbat and came away shaking his head...

While lunching over at the big Gong's this past shabbat --- while reviewing the general state of affairs (if any of you have heard the great lashon harah coming out of London you will understand)--- I suggested that the Big Gong again provide us with a guest blog.

Here it is folks:




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We had the pleasure of the NF’s family in our sukka today and after discussing two of my recent visits to the early minyan he suggested I write a guest post.
I had on the previous two occasions attended the highly efficient and usually highly pleasant early minyan in the locality. Shabbat’s proceedings passed with very little, if anything, to gong. The Baltimore Chop led a flawless shacharit. I particularly enjoyed his “Hodu la’Hashem”, although I couldn’t name the tune, let alone find you a youtube link. Yoni R read Kohelet and simultaneously provided me with the best 23 minutes of sleep I have had in a long time. Musaf passed quickly and without notable incident, particularly as the baal tefilla was clearly playing out of position by davening nusach ashkenazi.



I wish I could say the same about first day chag. Roger Mellie  was asked to daven shacharit. He was guilty of too much singing for this particular minyan, in fact he was guilty of too much singing. It did the job I suppose, but the piece de resistance came at the end of the hoshanot. I thought at first my ears were deceiving me, but I listened again, and it was true.


Roger was belting out the “Victory Kaddish”.

On first day Sukkot.
After an unexceptional shacharit.
I shot a glance at Yoni R whose gnarled facial expression confirmed that he was hearing the same thing. For two days now I have been thinking of an explanation for Roger’s actions. But one eludes me. Some things in life are sacred, and amongst them is the RH/YK nusach. No longer it seems. Gong.

Musaf started with a rousing “Yekum Purkan” (this was chag remember, not Shabbat), and upon being heckled to go straight into the Prayer for the Queen State of Israel, the baal tefilla quickly followed with an equally rousing “Sorry” (in English) to the kehilla. At least we had a laugh to carry us through the rest of davening. Gong.

As disarming, and frankly unforgiveable, as that victory kaddish was, it gave the NF and myself hope. Hope like we haven’t had since that Pesach when someone confused Adir Hu with Maoz Tzur during Hallel.

Od Yishama b’arei ha’shefela u’vechutzot Modiin, kol sasson v’kol simcha, kol ha’gong v’kol ha’golden shtender.

I leave you with a little something to celebrate Julie Andrews birthday next week:
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Thank you Big Gong. The NF may be getting another guest post this time from Dr. D after a painful experience at a local hotel over the first days of chag. In addition, I will try to respond to AddeRabbi's Yamim Noraim post.
Moadim L'simcha or Warren Buffet or something.


--- the NF

y"k round-up

the NF wishes the greater gonging community a שנה טובה and hopes that everyone had an easy fast.

And the golden Shtenders go to:

1. To Dr D., physician. Dr. D davened musaf yesterday (after leading kol nidrei the night before) at the neighborhood vatikin minyan and was superb.
2. To Dr. Blue. The NF got to shul for mincha, got his talit and Depends on and waited for the yodeler to make the kahal crap itself. But alas, the yodeler got to shul and told the gabbaim that he did not want to daven. The gabbaim had to scramble to find a replacement and asked Dr. Blue  to step-in. With no prior preparation Dr. Blue had perfect nusach, was fast and finished 7 minutes ahead of schedule.
3. To the Big Gong for his outstanding  16 minute psukei dezimra at the vatikin minyan and for refraining from telling me any rude jokes during the avoda (after numerous mikveh jokes erev y"k). After shul yesterday morning, the Big Gong went over to Dr D and said: "of you, me and the NF (who davened a 2-hour shacharit), who do you think was best?" you were, Big Gong, you were.
4. To the gonging gabbai --- for all his hard work over the chagim even if some of his baal tefilla selections were absolute bombs. Shkoychi.


As mentioned above, the NF led shacharit  at the vatikin minyan (start time: 4:50 AM) which was a bit tricky. After getting through hamelech, I realized I had 7 minutes to get from barechu to גאל ישראל to hit נץ החמה. I turned on my special NF turbo engines and we hit it right on time. The NF did have to use a very fast melody for אל האדון, specifically the Carelbach לשנה הבאה בירושלים, which had the surprising effect of getting people singing at 5:15 AM.

The NF's melody selection:
אתה הוא אלהינו -- Naa'r Hayiti (For the record Yoni R, who continues to remind me that he is the only person on the blog without a cool pseudoname, told me that it was a kitsch selection) ---- with three part harmony from YS and Dr D.
היום יכתב- Mochel Avonot
אמרו לאלוהים - a large assortment of melodys including yachad, shomrim mafkidim, boi v'shalom (Carlebach) etc.
מעשה אלהינו  - the London Yom Shabaton. I thought a lot about Marc Weinberg z"l while we we made our way through this piyut....we always sang this melody when our families had shabbat lunch together.
על ישראל - v'haviotim
האדרת והאמונה - the Seudah shlishit melody
קדושה -- from kvodo through shma yisrael, the Breslov Lecha Dodi.
שמע קולינו -- from Al tashlichenu etc I used the high part from lev tahor....
אנו עמך-- tzamah nafshi
אבינו מלכינו זכר רחמך -- prok yat anach
ואני תפילתי -- the NF "borrowed" YS's idea of using Baruch El Elyon...Luckily Mrs. NF wasn't there to scream at both of us for using too many shabbat melodies in the middle of Yamim Noraim davening.

for the record the NF really missed hearing YS's neilah....As noted in a prior post, the gabbaim didn't want anyone to have a chazaka so YS didn't lead neilah this year --- in my opinion a mistake. The person who led neilah used the geshem/tal meoldy for kaddish (gong) and the regular yamim noraim melody for avot (double gong). At least he sang mochel avonot a few time and he finished on time!

Time to go practice waving various garden specimens around.

-- the (very hoarse) NF