The NF hopes that everyone enjoyed Shavuot, זמן מתן תורתנות, or as it known in some circles, the Tisha B'av of the Lactose Intolerant.
Shavuot davening went off without a hitch in the NF's shul. The NF davened maariv, an Israeli with pretty decent nusach (and voice) davened shacharit and J led a flawless Musaf. Walking home from shul, the Logical African saw me and ran across the street. "Oh boy, do I have a story for you" said the Logical African. You see the LA davens in a small shul across the street from the NF's shul....it is mostly made up of Israelis who wouldn't know nusach from their belly button lint but there are a few guys who know what they are doing. Well , apparently the guy who led maariv on the first night of Shavuot was playing with his belly button lint for too long because the said chazzan got up there and instead of using the traditional Yom Tuv nusach, started the ay yay yays of the yamim noraim.
Sure the kahal tried to help and get the chazzan back on track but to no avail. The chazzan just kept plowing through using the yamim noraim melody. He even sang all the ay ay yays leading up to each bracha by himself while the kahal sat there uncomfrtablly thinking about cheesecake, blintzes and lasanga.
The NF knows how hard it is to switch nusach mid-davening. Sometimes the chazan forgets to switch the meolody at yimloch and he just can't get the right melody in his head. On Shabbat Hazon, the haftara keeps going back and forth from the regular trop to eicha and its easy to lose the correct melody. When a chazzan messes these up its unfortunate but forgivable. BUT HOW THE HELL DO YOU START MAARIV ON SHAVUOT WITH THE ROSH HASHANA & YOM KIPPUR MELODY!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The Ofanim, the Chayot Hakodesh, the Malaachim, St. Peter, St Gabriel, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Buddha and everyone else hanging out with Abeshter let out one massive celestial GONG.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Bad ideas
Hello all you gongers. My apologies for not having blogged in a while. Between, Pesach, work, and the sefer torah (now 43% finished!) I simply have had no time to write....
A number of poeple have emailed me with a some nusach questions --- I will eventually get back to all of you --- it just may take some time.
So Friday night the NF attended an "Early Shabbat" minyan so that we could start Friday night dinner at a normal hour--- it was the first time in almost a month that the 4 little NFs were able to join us for the entire meal.
During davening the NF sat next to the Logical African (LA) and in the tradition of our forefathers, we began to schmooze. Just as a rather uninspired kabbalat shabbat was about to begin, I said the the LA, "wouldn't it suck if the chazzan decides to daven Carlebach style..." Happily, the chazzan just sang meekly in the traditional manner and we were home and making kiddush in no time. In the meantime LA and the NF went through some chazzaning/synagogal no-nos:
1. Using Carelbach (with lots of niegh neigh neighs) at an early Shabbat davening
2. Singing hallel on a weekday rosh chodesh at any minyan that starts before 8:30 AM
3. Making noise for every haman at a morning megilla reading (not attended by more than 5 women and children)
4. Trying to prevent the gabbaim from "ad-kanning" during hakafot at a simchat torah hashkama minyan.
5. Insisting on singing lmaan achai at the end of pitum haketoret.
6. A victory kaddish after any tefilla other than shacharit and musaf on R"H, the five tefillot of yom kippur and tal and geshem.
7. Singing random songs in psukei dezimra just because they have been set to music (example: שבחי ירושלים)
8. using the melody of heveinu shalom aleichem or hava nagila in davening, ever.
Unfortunetly, the NF has experienced each and everyone of these....
any others?
In other news, Dr. D reported that at the minyan he davened at on Yom Haatzmaut, an old (past his prime) chazzan used the melody of Puff the Magic Dragon in hallel. Gong.
A number of poeple have emailed me with a some nusach questions --- I will eventually get back to all of you --- it just may take some time.
So Friday night the NF attended an "Early Shabbat" minyan so that we could start Friday night dinner at a normal hour--- it was the first time in almost a month that the 4 little NFs were able to join us for the entire meal.
During davening the NF sat next to the Logical African (LA) and in the tradition of our forefathers, we began to schmooze. Just as a rather uninspired kabbalat shabbat was about to begin, I said the the LA, "wouldn't it suck if the chazzan decides to daven Carlebach style..." Happily, the chazzan just sang meekly in the traditional manner and we were home and making kiddush in no time. In the meantime LA and the NF went through some chazzaning/synagogal no-nos:
1. Using Carelbach (with lots of niegh neigh neighs) at an early Shabbat davening
2. Singing hallel on a weekday rosh chodesh at any minyan that starts before 8:30 AM
3. Making noise for every haman at a morning megilla reading (not attended by more than 5 women and children)
4. Trying to prevent the gabbaim from "ad-kanning" during hakafot at a simchat torah hashkama minyan.
5. Insisting on singing lmaan achai at the end of pitum haketoret.
6. A victory kaddish after any tefilla other than shacharit and musaf on R"H, the five tefillot of yom kippur and tal and geshem.
7. Singing random songs in psukei dezimra just because they have been set to music (example: שבחי ירושלים)
8. using the melody of heveinu shalom aleichem or hava nagila in davening, ever.
Unfortunetly, the NF has experienced each and everyone of these....
any others?
In other news, Dr. D reported that at the minyan he davened at on Yom Haatzmaut, an old (past his prime) chazzan used the melody of Puff the Magic Dragon in hallel. Gong.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Applying a new approach & the Youth Minyan
So the davening in the NF's local yokel shul got so bad over the past few months that "J", "YS" and the NF decided to take over as gabbaim. In the 5 weeks since taking over, we have prevented small children (alvins) from leading kabblat shabbat and focused on getting the best quality baalei tefilla up there for every tefilla. So far so good ---- but not so much for the Nusachfreak blog. As J pointed out to me, if the NF puts a guy up there and he sucks or does some monkey business leading to a severe gonging, the NF is just as responsible as the Gongee.
So what got so bad and what are we changing?
There are lots of "philosophies/approaches" regarding how to run a shul.
1. There is the perfomance approach --- there is usually a chazzan (and maybe a choir), a professional shamash. Members of this kind of shul, may lead psukei dezimra (and nothing else) and generally don't sing along while the chazzan belts out something long and boring. this works because most members are approaching 90 and can't hear the chazzan without turning their hearing aids way up. Examples: the Great Synagogue (Jerusalem).
2. The all inclusive "Barney" shul. I love you, you love me, we are all part of a damn annoying shul family. We want everyone to feel confortable in our warm and fuzzy shul so we try to get as many people involved in the davening as possible. Serving as a chazzan is kind of like the old "Yo Mama" Joke ---- Yo Mama be like a merry go round, everyone gets a turn. While in theory the NF is not opposed to this approach, in practice when expanding a sampling of baalei tefilla which includes lots of unknowns, you will end up with davening that, in the best case situation, lacks any umph and in the worst case situation sounds like a bunch of dying cats. It is very hard for a shul to develop a particular style or quality because every week there is something different --- sometimes good sometimes bad and the really good, compentant baalei tephilla only get to daven once in a blue moon because as noted above, everybody needs to have a turn. More often than not, a sub par guy will get up there and run through the davening as fast as possible.
3. Selective participation. In every shul there are those that can, those that can't and those that think they can but can't. In order to set a tone/style for the shul, the gabbaim create a rota where only those than "can" daven. Of course, one risk insulting the two other groups and particularly those that think they can but can't.
Last year saw the gonging gabbai try to implement more of a Barney shul. However, the real trouble started when the gonging gabbai stepped down and caretaker gabbaim stepped in. Kids davened kabbalat shabbat every friday night ruining any sense of "avirah". "whoever" davened on shabbat morning --- usually off key and thankfully superfast --- and week by week the davening got worse and worse. It was at that point, J, YS and the NF had enough...
We have informally defined a rota of about 13 guys (which akwardly includes, J YS and the NF) and using the selective participation appraoch, the davening has become a lot more enjoyable in the last few weeks. So far the pushback has been limited....
Youth minyan
the concept of the youth minyan is a chutznik concept. For some reason Israelis have this idea that their sons should sit next to them in shul. This, in theory, allows the sons to absorb their fathers' (authentic) nusach. In practice, if they actaully make it to shul, the teenagers wander the halls rather than sit with their father and if we want to talk about nusach....a) their fathers' nusach is usually awful and b) the kids almost never get a chance to hone their davening skills as chazanim.
A group of teenagers in our shul took it upon themselves to start a youth minyan that starts about an hour after the main minyan....so far so good. More and more kids are coming and I've heard from a number of parents that their kids are actaully excited to come to shul. The NF has gone up to the classroom where the kids are davening to fetch the sefer torah and put it back in the aron in the main minyan...suprisingly, its a pretty serious minyan. no fart jokes. very little talking, and generally good decorum (another sign they have not learned anyhting from sitting with their fathers). Of course, given that the teenagers in our shul are all tone deaf, the davening sounds like a group of sea otters begging for herring but I guess you can't have it all.
the NF's question: For those of you that went to youth minyanim growing up, how did you learn to daven? by hearing the guy next to you? Or were you taught by the minyan madrich (or from tapes)?
So what got so bad and what are we changing?
There are lots of "philosophies/approaches" regarding how to run a shul.
1. There is the perfomance approach --- there is usually a chazzan (and maybe a choir), a professional shamash. Members of this kind of shul, may lead psukei dezimra (and nothing else) and generally don't sing along while the chazzan belts out something long and boring. this works because most members are approaching 90 and can't hear the chazzan without turning their hearing aids way up. Examples: the Great Synagogue (Jerusalem).
2. The all inclusive "Barney" shul. I love you, you love me, we are all part of a damn annoying shul family. We want everyone to feel confortable in our warm and fuzzy shul so we try to get as many people involved in the davening as possible. Serving as a chazzan is kind of like the old "Yo Mama" Joke ---- Yo Mama be like a merry go round, everyone gets a turn. While in theory the NF is not opposed to this approach, in practice when expanding a sampling of baalei tefilla which includes lots of unknowns, you will end up with davening that, in the best case situation, lacks any umph and in the worst case situation sounds like a bunch of dying cats. It is very hard for a shul to develop a particular style or quality because every week there is something different --- sometimes good sometimes bad and the really good, compentant baalei tephilla only get to daven once in a blue moon because as noted above, everybody needs to have a turn. More often than not, a sub par guy will get up there and run through the davening as fast as possible.
3. Selective participation. In every shul there are those that can, those that can't and those that think they can but can't. In order to set a tone/style for the shul, the gabbaim create a rota where only those than "can" daven. Of course, one risk insulting the two other groups and particularly those that think they can but can't.
Last year saw the gonging gabbai try to implement more of a Barney shul. However, the real trouble started when the gonging gabbai stepped down and caretaker gabbaim stepped in. Kids davened kabbalat shabbat every friday night ruining any sense of "avirah". "whoever" davened on shabbat morning --- usually off key and thankfully superfast --- and week by week the davening got worse and worse. It was at that point, J, YS and the NF had enough...
We have informally defined a rota of about 13 guys (which akwardly includes, J YS and the NF) and using the selective participation appraoch, the davening has become a lot more enjoyable in the last few weeks. So far the pushback has been limited....
Youth minyan
the concept of the youth minyan is a chutznik concept. For some reason Israelis have this idea that their sons should sit next to them in shul. This, in theory, allows the sons to absorb their fathers' (authentic) nusach. In practice, if they actaully make it to shul, the teenagers wander the halls rather than sit with their father and if we want to talk about nusach....a) their fathers' nusach is usually awful and b) the kids almost never get a chance to hone their davening skills as chazanim.
A group of teenagers in our shul took it upon themselves to start a youth minyan that starts about an hour after the main minyan....so far so good. More and more kids are coming and I've heard from a number of parents that their kids are actaully excited to come to shul. The NF has gone up to the classroom where the kids are davening to fetch the sefer torah and put it back in the aron in the main minyan...suprisingly, its a pretty serious minyan. no fart jokes. very little talking, and generally good decorum (another sign they have not learned anyhting from sitting with their fathers). Of course, given that the teenagers in our shul are all tone deaf, the davening sounds like a group of sea otters begging for herring but I guess you can't have it all.
the NF's question: For those of you that went to youth minyanim growing up, how did you learn to daven? by hearing the guy next to you? Or were you taught by the minyan madrich (or from tapes)?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Howling at the moon
The time: 5:13 PM, just minutes before Shabbat was to end this past week
The place: The street corner where we daven on Motza"sh because we are too lazy to walk an extra block to shul
The weather conditions: Very windy and very overcast
So Big Yoni Posselizer (formerly known as Yoni R) crosses the street and says "it's my favorite time of the month --- we get to do a "We are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance at the end of Maariv". The Big Posselizer is of course referring to the completly uninspired shuffle that 4 or 5 guys do at the end of kidush levana while singing "טובים מאורות". This shuffle, which is distantly related to the "White man's overbite" from When Harry Met Sally, is performed by this small group of men for anyone of the following reasons:
1. They want to delay for as long as possible going home to their wives and children.
2. It is their monthly form of excercise.
3. They like touching other men.
There was just one problem. YS led maariv and becasue he insisted on saying all the words, by the time we got around to kidush levana the moon was no longer visible behind the cloud cover. So the NF (who does not join the טובים מאורות shuffle although avoiding his wife and kids for an extra three minutes on Motzai Shabbat would probably be a good idea), the Baltimore Chop and The Big Posselizer are standing on the corner pointing up to the spot where the moon should be, looking like a bunch of imbeciles. The NF then called upon the Lord: "Oh Lord, Please Moon Us!" But to no avail.
He who answered our forefathers, did not answer us.
The place: The street corner where we daven on Motza"sh because we are too lazy to walk an extra block to shul
The weather conditions: Very windy and very overcast
So Big Yoni Posselizer (formerly known as Yoni R) crosses the street and says "it's my favorite time of the month --- we get to do a "We are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance at the end of Maariv". The Big Posselizer is of course referring to the completly uninspired shuffle that 4 or 5 guys do at the end of kidush levana while singing "טובים מאורות". This shuffle, which is distantly related to the "White man's overbite" from When Harry Met Sally, is performed by this small group of men for anyone of the following reasons:
1. They want to delay for as long as possible going home to their wives and children.
2. It is their monthly form of excercise.
3. They like touching other men.
There was just one problem. YS led maariv and becasue he insisted on saying all the words, by the time we got around to kidush levana the moon was no longer visible behind the cloud cover. So the NF (who does not join the טובים מאורות shuffle although avoiding his wife and kids for an extra three minutes on Motzai Shabbat would probably be a good idea), the Baltimore Chop and The Big Posselizer are standing on the corner pointing up to the spot where the moon should be, looking like a bunch of imbeciles. The NF then called upon the Lord: "Oh Lord, Please Moon Us!" But to no avail.
He who answered our forefathers, did not answer us.
Monday, November 29, 2010
A taste of childhood
Very rarely, a smell, taste or sight can bring back a stong memory of childhood. A video posted on youtube 2 days ago did just that...
The video shows the KAJ (Breuer's) Choir singing ובנחה יאמר by Japhet. Hearing this melody brought back such a strong memory of time spent in our little yekke shul as a kid that the NF literally could taste the Kedem Malaga kiddush wine and Schnecken cookies served at the Shabbat Mevarchim kiddush following musaf.
While the NF acknowledges that his little yekke shul was far from perfect, I have many happy memories from going to shul as a kid. I must wonder what associations are being created in my the 4 little NFs' heads going to a "vanilla" Israeli shul and hearing timless classics such as Avini Avini.
Monday, November 22, 2010
A positive experience
So the NF's mother in law was in town for a couple of weeks and as such , she requested that we go away for shabbat. Without giving away too much information, let's just say that the greater NF family headed to the North of the country to a hotel that caters to the religious population. Knowing my own personal experiences in the past as well as after hearing about Dr. D, physician's largely negative experience at hotels, the NF did not have high hopes for Shabbat....
Upon entering the lobby a couple of hours before Shabbat, we were greeted with 4 just-out-of the army guys singing unbelievable a capella. And then I knew everything was going to be all right.
Upon arriving in the hotel shul a few minutes before shabbat, I was happy to discover that the aforementioned 4 guys were actually a choir (מפתח סול) brought by the hotel management to accompany the hotel chazzan.
A few years ago, an anglo tourist asked me what my favorite place Israel was. Among my top 5: The arrival hall at Ben Gurion airport. Huh? I'm sure you are asking. Yes. The arrival hall at Ben Gurion. The NF loves the happy buzz of families meeting returning children who have only recently been released from Japanese/Thai prisons after being caught traficking drugs. The NF loves the family of olim who made aliya 30 years ago and still dresses that way, awaiting savta to come off the plane. I love the charedi guys who have just travelled for 12 hours, walk out of the baggage claim area with a shtreimel box and a duty free bag with 30 boxes of ciggarettes and 3 bottles of scotch trailed by their wives pushing a cart with 19 pieces of luggage and holding 13 children. I love seeing the tel avivi/chiloni kibbutznik pick up his girlfriend and start playing tonsel hockey the moment they meet. (Get a room!) Friends/family from all walks of life are greeting their loved ones and in the excitement of the moment everyone forgets how much they can't stand one another. Sure the fights will start when everybody gets home. But for the time being, it's all dvash (honey).
The NF loves seeing the Tel Avivi, the moshavnik, the kibuttznuik, the charedi, the dati leumi all happy and sharing a common ground.
That's exactly what the NF felt as a chazzan accompanied by this marvelous choir started a very nice carlebach kabbalat Shabbat. The NF felt this way because there were Jews from all walks of life in the shul. Dati Leumi, Chabadnikim, Chasidim in bekkeshes and shtreimels, Lithuanians in frocks and hats, sephardim, a few masoratim and even some chilonim wearing nothing but loin clothes (I'm kidding for those of you with no sense of humour) sharing the moment and participating by singing along. In truth, the chazzan himself was not my cup of tea, but he was more of a baal tephilla/wedding singer than a "cantor" and his nusach was very good. What made kabbalat shabbat one of the nicest I ever heard was that choir.
Dinner was delicious, the kids behaved and we all went to sleep by a reasonable hour....
The Chazzan led mussaf the next morning again accompanied by the choir...of course the NF knew what was coming after the haftara --- Avinu Avinu and it sounded something like this (the guys were once in the Army rabbinical choir). The NF can now admit it. I actually like Avinu Avinu when it is sung by a group of guys that give it some kavod. (Unlike the yodeller, Shloime Baruch and Mendy). then it was time for Mishaberech for chayalei Tzahal .While the chazzan read the tephilla the choir hummed על כל אלה . Cheesy but very pretty.
Things did start breaking down during musaf and a few gongs were given out. The choir harmonized Keter beautifully to the melody of.....................
Somewhere over the rainbow. Gong!
and for mimkomo, they hamorized even more beautifully to the melody of.................
O sole mio. Gong!
But the NF so enjoyed hearing the choir that all was forgiven....
Upon entering the lobby a couple of hours before Shabbat, we were greeted with 4 just-out-of the army guys singing unbelievable a capella. And then I knew everything was going to be all right.
Upon arriving in the hotel shul a few minutes before shabbat, I was happy to discover that the aforementioned 4 guys were actually a choir (מפתח סול) brought by the hotel management to accompany the hotel chazzan.
A few years ago, an anglo tourist asked me what my favorite place Israel was. Among my top 5: The arrival hall at Ben Gurion airport. Huh? I'm sure you are asking. Yes. The arrival hall at Ben Gurion. The NF loves the happy buzz of families meeting returning children who have only recently been released from Japanese/Thai prisons after being caught traficking drugs. The NF loves the family of olim who made aliya 30 years ago and still dresses that way, awaiting savta to come off the plane. I love the charedi guys who have just travelled for 12 hours, walk out of the baggage claim area with a shtreimel box and a duty free bag with 30 boxes of ciggarettes and 3 bottles of scotch trailed by their wives pushing a cart with 19 pieces of luggage and holding 13 children. I love seeing the tel avivi/chiloni kibbutznik pick up his girlfriend and start playing tonsel hockey the moment they meet. (Get a room!) Friends/family from all walks of life are greeting their loved ones and in the excitement of the moment everyone forgets how much they can't stand one another. Sure the fights will start when everybody gets home. But for the time being, it's all dvash (honey).
The NF loves seeing the Tel Avivi, the moshavnik, the kibuttznuik, the charedi, the dati leumi all happy and sharing a common ground.
That's exactly what the NF felt as a chazzan accompanied by this marvelous choir started a very nice carlebach kabbalat Shabbat. The NF felt this way because there were Jews from all walks of life in the shul. Dati Leumi, Chabadnikim, Chasidim in bekkeshes and shtreimels, Lithuanians in frocks and hats, sephardim, a few masoratim and even some chilonim wearing nothing but loin clothes (I'm kidding for those of you with no sense of humour) sharing the moment and participating by singing along. In truth, the chazzan himself was not my cup of tea, but he was more of a baal tephilla/wedding singer than a "cantor" and his nusach was very good. What made kabbalat shabbat one of the nicest I ever heard was that choir.
Dinner was delicious, the kids behaved and we all went to sleep by a reasonable hour....
The Chazzan led mussaf the next morning again accompanied by the choir...of course the NF knew what was coming after the haftara --- Avinu Avinu and it sounded something like this (the guys were once in the Army rabbinical choir). The NF can now admit it. I actually like Avinu Avinu when it is sung by a group of guys that give it some kavod. (Unlike the yodeller, Shloime Baruch and Mendy). then it was time for Mishaberech for chayalei Tzahal .While the chazzan read the tephilla the choir hummed על כל אלה . Cheesy but very pretty.
Things did start breaking down during musaf and a few gongs were given out. The choir harmonized Keter beautifully to the melody of.....................
Somewhere over the rainbow. Gong!
and for mimkomo, they hamorized even more beautifully to the melody of.................
O sole mio. Gong!
But the NF so enjoyed hearing the choir that all was forgiven....
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