A guest post

Moadim L'simcha to all you gongers...
while wishing you all moadim l'simcha I am reminded of when I lived in NY many moons back --- the NF noticed that new york jews are not good listeners and often hear what they want to hear. So on shabbat, I would greet all those of the Hebraic persuasion with a merry "Flannel Pajamas" (instead of Gutt Shabbes)....if the person had a kippa sruga on their head, I would say " I'm from Rome" (instead of Shabbat Shalom). No one ever beat an eye lash.

So when greeting someone on chol hamoed, I could have said, gutten moed or moadim l'simcha....but the NF wanted to see if anyone was actually listening....so every time I passed a "yid with a lid", I would mumble the name of a billionaire --- such as Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet....not once did anyone question what I had just said and instead mumbled something back at me....still not sure what.

So Rupert Murdoch to you all.

The NF prayed in his local yokel shul on the first day of chag --- "Slow as Molasses" davened shacharit and was well, slow as molasses. "H" Davened musaf in his usual  eyes closed, impossible to sing along with sort of way. Nothing too offensive, nothing really to gong.

Meanwhile, the Big Gong attended the early minyan both on the first day of chag and on shabbat and came away shaking his head...

While lunching over at the big Gong's this past shabbat --- while reviewing the general state of affairs (if any of you have heard the great lashon harah coming out of London you will understand)--- I suggested that the Big Gong again provide us with a guest blog.

Here it is folks:




-------

We had the pleasure of the NF’s family in our sukka today and after discussing two of my recent visits to the early minyan he suggested I write a guest post.
I had on the previous two occasions attended the highly efficient and usually highly pleasant early minyan in the locality. Shabbat’s proceedings passed with very little, if anything, to gong. The Baltimore Chop led a flawless shacharit. I particularly enjoyed his “Hodu la’Hashem”, although I couldn’t name the tune, let alone find you a youtube link. Yoni R read Kohelet and simultaneously provided me with the best 23 minutes of sleep I have had in a long time. Musaf passed quickly and without notable incident, particularly as the baal tefilla was clearly playing out of position by davening nusach ashkenazi.



I wish I could say the same about first day chag. Roger Mellie  was asked to daven shacharit. He was guilty of too much singing for this particular minyan, in fact he was guilty of too much singing. It did the job I suppose, but the piece de resistance came at the end of the hoshanot. I thought at first my ears were deceiving me, but I listened again, and it was true.


Roger was belting out the “Victory Kaddish”.

On first day Sukkot.
After an unexceptional shacharit.
I shot a glance at Yoni R whose gnarled facial expression confirmed that he was hearing the same thing. For two days now I have been thinking of an explanation for Roger’s actions. But one eludes me. Some things in life are sacred, and amongst them is the RH/YK nusach. No longer it seems. Gong.

Musaf started with a rousing “Yekum Purkan” (this was chag remember, not Shabbat), and upon being heckled to go straight into the Prayer for the Queen State of Israel, the baal tefilla quickly followed with an equally rousing “Sorry” (in English) to the kehilla. At least we had a laugh to carry us through the rest of davening. Gong.

As disarming, and frankly unforgiveable, as that victory kaddish was, it gave the NF and myself hope. Hope like we haven’t had since that Pesach when someone confused Adir Hu with Maoz Tzur during Hallel.

Od Yishama b’arei ha’shefela u’vechutzot Modiin, kol sasson v’kol simcha, kol ha’gong v’kol ha’golden shtender.

I leave you with a little something to celebrate Julie Andrews birthday next week:
------

Thank you Big Gong. The NF may be getting another guest post this time from Dr. D after a painful experience at a local hotel over the first days of chag. In addition, I will try to respond to AddeRabbi's Yamim Noraim post.
Moadim L'simcha or Warren Buffet or something.


--- the NF

y"k round-up

the NF wishes the greater gonging community a שנה טובה and hopes that everyone had an easy fast.

And the golden Shtenders go to:

1. To Dr D., physician. Dr. D davened musaf yesterday (after leading kol nidrei the night before) at the neighborhood vatikin minyan and was superb.
2. To Dr. Blue. The NF got to shul for mincha, got his talit and Depends on and waited for the yodeler to make the kahal crap itself. But alas, the yodeler got to shul and told the gabbaim that he did not want to daven. The gabbaim had to scramble to find a replacement and asked Dr. Blue  to step-in. With no prior preparation Dr. Blue had perfect nusach, was fast and finished 7 minutes ahead of schedule.
3. To the Big Gong for his outstanding  16 minute psukei dezimra at the vatikin minyan and for refraining from telling me any rude jokes during the avoda (after numerous mikveh jokes erev y"k). After shul yesterday morning, the Big Gong went over to Dr D and said: "of you, me and the NF (who davened a 2-hour shacharit), who do you think was best?" you were, Big Gong, you were.
4. To the gonging gabbai --- for all his hard work over the chagim even if some of his baal tefilla selections were absolute bombs. Shkoychi.


As mentioned above, the NF led shacharit  at the vatikin minyan (start time: 4:50 AM) which was a bit tricky. After getting through hamelech, I realized I had 7 minutes to get from barechu to גאל ישראל to hit נץ החמה. I turned on my special NF turbo engines and we hit it right on time. The NF did have to use a very fast melody for אל האדון, specifically the Carelbach לשנה הבאה בירושלים, which had the surprising effect of getting people singing at 5:15 AM.

The NF's melody selection:
אתה הוא אלהינו -- Naa'r Hayiti (For the record Yoni R, who continues to remind me that he is the only person on the blog without a cool pseudoname, told me that it was a kitsch selection) ---- with three part harmony from YS and Dr D.
היום יכתב- Mochel Avonot
אמרו לאלוהים - a large assortment of melodys including yachad, shomrim mafkidim, boi v'shalom (Carlebach) etc.
מעשה אלהינו  - the London Yom Shabaton. I thought a lot about Marc Weinberg z"l while we we made our way through this piyut....we always sang this melody when our families had shabbat lunch together.
על ישראל - v'haviotim
האדרת והאמונה - the Seudah shlishit melody
קדושה -- from kvodo through shma yisrael, the Breslov Lecha Dodi.
שמע קולינו -- from Al tashlichenu etc I used the high part from lev tahor....
אנו עמך-- tzamah nafshi
אבינו מלכינו זכר רחמך -- prok yat anach
ואני תפילתי -- the NF "borrowed" YS's idea of using Baruch El Elyon...Luckily Mrs. NF wasn't there to scream at both of us for using too many shabbat melodies in the middle of Yamim Noraim davening.

for the record the NF really missed hearing YS's neilah....As noted in a prior post, the gabbaim didn't want anyone to have a chazaka so YS didn't lead neilah this year --- in my opinion a mistake. The person who led neilah used the geshem/tal meoldy for kaddish (gong) and the regular yamim noraim melody for avot (double gong). At least he sang mochel avonot a few time and he finished on time!

Time to go practice waving various garden specimens around.

-- the (very hoarse) NF

לשמוע אל הרינה ואל התפילה

this past Motza"sh, the NF, Yoni R, the "logical African" (the NF's annual hot date for selichot night) and the logical African's father in law, Murray the drug pusher, went to hear Shlomo Glick lead selichot accompanied by Srulik Hirshtik's choir.

The choir was phenomenal and Shlomo Glick did an absolutly fantastic job (and this is coming from a guy who does not particularly care for chazzanut).

Links to snipits recorded by the logical African can be found below:

אשרי/קדיש
לכו נרננה
לשמוע אל הרינה
והביאותים


כתיבה וחתימה טובה

the NF

Random stuff

The NF hasn't posted since early July ---- very little interesting material has presented itself.

So some random stuff:

1. the NF finished Sefer Breishit last week just about one year after starting. At the pace I'm currently writing (1 hour a day, 7 days a week --- I write Friday morning and Motzash), I should be done in another three years. Here's a picture from the start of פרשת ויחי:

 2. With the High Holiday Days almost upon us, the NF is getting ready to lead Shacharit Second day R"h and Shacharit at the neighborhood vatikin minyan on Yom Kippur. Right now, I'm petrified I'm going to catch a nasty cold a few days before R"h....

3. The gabbaim at the NF's shul decided that no one should have a chazaka on any particular tefilla.
But for some reason, the gabbaim decided to overlook this issue when they asked the yodeler to lead y"k mincha for the third year running.

Here is what the big gong had to say about that:

-----Original Message-----



From: The Big Gong
Sent: Thursday, August 26, 2010 6:23 PM
To: the NF


Subject: Y"k


Is there any explanation for why the Yoddler managed to get the same slot (actually any slot) three years in a row? Is the Gonging Gabbai in cahoots with the dry cleaner that will be cleaning all the soiled pants (American translation: crapped underpants) after YK?

----  End message ----

To tell you the truth, other than kedusha and kaddish, the yodeler does a respectable job. The last two years he has managed to finish mincha within five minutes of the time allocated to him for mincha. And --- other than kedusha and kaddish --- his nusach is passable. So the gonging gabbai and I were trying to think of ways to tell the yodeler, nicely, not to do his off-key yodeling bit. The problem:  every suggestion ended up sounding like this: "Hey yodeler, you know that melody you use for kedusha? It makes people laugh so hard they cry and then they crap and wet themselves. It makes mother's milk turn sour. It causes mixed dancing. It causes our children to turn off the derech. It is probably responsible fo global warming, AIDs, land mines, many cancers and Air Supply. So would you mind not using this year (or ever)."

4. A sign the apaocolypse is coming: The gonging gabbai asked both Mendy and Shloime to daven musaf over the last few weeks and told them not to sing avinu avinu. And they didn't. Shloime did get a bit of a hurt look on his face when he was told not to do it.

5. This coming motzash I have my annual hot date with a neighborhood buddy  to go hear a chazan and choir for first selichot. This year, we are going to hear Shlomo Glick accompanied by Srulik Herstik's awesome choir.

6. The guy leading kol nidrei this year at the NF's shul asked me to record my nusach...so I downloaded recording software onto my PC. Now my kids like to sneak  itno the office, open the software and record themselves singing Shama lama ding dong as sung by Otis Day (shlit"a) and the Knights in the heilige movie Animal House. (you can guess who taught the little NFs (ages 8, 6, 4 and 2) how to sing that song).

7. If anyone has any R"h/Y"k nusach questions, email them in and I'll try to answer with accompanying recordings. Please don't ask me questions about Y"k musaf --- I've never learned it.

---The NF

Off topic

So this morning the gang celebrated the ritual snipping of the Gonging Gabbai's youngest. Mazal Tov to Mr and Mrs Gonging Gabbai. The brit deserves special mention because both Mr and Mrs Gonging Gabbai gave awesome speeches where there was a brief dvar Torah, a nice succinct explanation why they named their son what they did and very limited (almsot none!) mushy gushy stuff.

While mushy gushy stuff in a brit/simchat bat speech really has nothing to do with shul or nusach, the fact that britot/smachot bat are often celebrated in a shul is good enough for me to include some discussion here on the blog.

Did you ever notice that brit/simchat bat speeches often make people very uncomfortable. There are a number of elements that can casue this discomfort:
1. The hesped for the person that the child has been named for. Examples:

• We have named our child Yosef after my great great great grandfather Reb Yosef Stalinsky. Zaide Yosef was a man of the people but also a leader. It was said that his appetite for cholent could cause famine and his strong belief in the abeshter as the lone רופא in the world caused him to have issues with doctors. Zaide Yosef was so machmir when it came bedikat chametz that he would do everything possible to purge his  house of items he did not thing were acceptable.
• We have named our son Yankel after Shprintzee's great uncle. Yankel learned all of shas twice everyday. He would fast everday but shabbes. He loved dipping in ice cold mikvaos. And his conviction for money laundering, tax fraud, racketeering and pimping was anti-semitic. Yankel was the gabbi of the sfardishe minyan in Federal Prison and we hope that out little Yankel will follow in his footsteps.
• We have named our daughter Gittle Genendal after Zalmi's bubbe. Bubbe made chicken soup (the speaker starts crying) and gefilte fish (more weeping)....Her jellied calf's foot was loved by all those that were willing to taste it (starts wailing). 

Yes people like to dress up their yichus or alternativly start telling us very banal information.  Why we have to hear about it is beyond me.

2. The couple decide to let everyone know that they love one another. Examples:

• Sara'leh, I just want to tell you I love you so much (all the Americans in the room now go Ohhhhhh while the NF starts barfing) and I still would even if your father didn't agree to support me in kollel for another five years.
• Oh Bracha, following the birth of our 8th child last week, I can tell you any lingering doubts I had about us are gone. (the NF was actually at a bris where I heard this)
• Oh Chavie, Thank you for bearing my children. I love you and I'm not just saying because otherwise you'll make me sleep on the sofa

Folks, keep it to yourselves. I like to simply assume that a couple who are on child number 7 love one another. I don't need to hear it. And more often than not, the statement of love comes out cold or insincerely making me think that maybe the new father really does have lingering doubts (or is in love with his chavruta)

Anyway, Mazal Tov again to the Gonging Gabbai Family. שתזכו לגדלו לתורה לחופה ולמעשים טובים

Baruch Dayan Emet

(Given the circumstances, I'm going to break my usual blogging protocol of using nicknames and initials)

Last night, a good friend and member of the neighborhood chevra, Marc Weinberg (שמעון אלימלך בן אלחנן דוד הכהן וסימה רבקה), passed away at the young age of 35 after a gallant three year fight with Leukemia and GvH.

Marc and I met back in 1993-4 while learning in Gush and despite Marc's general dislike for Americans, we became good friends. When my wife and I moved to England in 1999, Marc and I had a chance to reconnect --- by then he was dating his future wife, Natalie, an old friend of Mrs. NF's brother. Marc and Natalie in characteristic fashion were incredibly warm and welcoming. On Yom Kippur, the NF and his wife davened in the Bnai Akiva Bayit and each mitpallel was given a time to do shmira by the front door of the shul to be on the lookout for anything suspicious. The gabbai giving out the times gave me the 10 minutes at the end of Neila. Marc noticed this and insisted on taking my time slot --- telling me that giving a newcomer the worst shemira time slot possible is not appropriate hachnasat orchim.

Years later we all connected again in our new neighborhood in Modiin. Marc and Natalie insited on having us over for supper the day we moved into our new home. Something that Marc said that day really stands out in my mind. As Natalie brought drinks to the table, Marc quickly offered my two older kids some juice. He then turned to his older daughter, Yona (then about 3) and explained that part of hachnasat orchim is offereing your guests food and drink even before taking for yourself.  For me, Marc's simple statement to Yona was representative of a key part of Marc's persona --- a complete dedication to Jewish Education and making every opportunity an educational one.

Marc was the ultimate student (and teacher) of Judaism. the phrase "ושננתם לבניך ודברת בם" was central to him. Looking at his impressive library, Marc loved delving into classic texts, philosophy and history. Any new thought provoking book, article or film needed to be discussed and analyzed. When mentioning  that I had just fininshed a book or seen a film, his response was always, "Nu", an indication that he wanted to borrow what ever I had just finished so that we could discuss its contents.

When it came time to select a school track for his older daughter, we spoke for hours debating the pros and cons of each option. Marc wanted the educational framework that would ensure that his daughter would be a knowledgable, sensitive and engaged Jew when she reached adulthood. Marc ultimatly selected the option that would require the most effort from him and Natalie telling me that other options might provide a stronger framework in the early years but only significant investment at home would instill in his daughter the love of Judaism that he was seeking for her.

Marc was not just a student of Judaism. He was also an engaged member of the greater Jewish community that took the phrase "וכל מי שעוסקים בצרכי ציבור באמונה" very seriously. He was mazkir artzi of Bnai Akiva in the UK. Later, Marc was a founder of the Alei Ziyyon minyan in London and was a co-founder (with the NF) of the first Shabbat and Yamim Noraim minyan in our new neighborhood. Even after falling ill almost three years ago, Marc made significant efforts to fundraise for our shul.

Marc was blessed with a pleasant voice and an excellent ear. As a child he sang in the London School of Jewish Song and in honour of BA's 60th anniversary in the UK, he helped put out (and sang on) a CD. This past Rosh Hashana he led Maariv on the second night, davening beautifully inspiring those present.

Marc was much more than just student of Judaism and an engaged member of the commmunity. I'm sure that both at the leviya today (at 5 PM in the Modiin cemetary) and over the course of the shiva, people will provide their perspectives of this most unique and special person.

יהי זכרו ברוך

To his wife Natalie, daughters, Yona and Maayan, parents,  Henry and Sema and sister, Deborah  ---
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים

Self Gratification

Yesterday, as the haftara was being completed, the NF saw Shloime Baruch heading up to the shulchan to serve as chazzan for Musaf.

It was late --- given that it was Shabbat Rosh Hodesh --- and very stuffy in the kindergarten where the NF's shul davens. Right before תפילה לשלום המדינה a few people standing around the shulchan all whispered  יעלה and סע  to Shloime. (Translation: It's late...no nonsense please). So what did Shloime do? He starts a very schleppy Avinu Avinu and calls up the old choir from Yom Haatzmaut --- they even hummed Hatikva at the end while Shloime read the end of the tefilla prose style. Barf. Neither he nor the choir members noticed that most of the shul members were rolling their eyes or giggling.
Shloime has commited the shul crime of cantorial masturbation --- that is self gratification through the unwanted introduction of cantorial pieces into the davening. No one wanted to hear Avinu Avinu and certainly not with the choir. And that hatikva bit was completely uncalled for. The NF couldn't take it anymore....so when little NF #4 pooed himself (he's still in diapers), the NF volunteered to leave shul early to change him (Mrs. NF forgot to bring diapers). Mrs. NF stayed for musaf and reported that Shloime:
1. Schlepped through musaf (she thought it would never end)
2. Then turned around to the kahal at the end of davenign and asked for a cigarette.

When the NF got to mincha, he noticed that Shloime seemed to be having trouble seeing and his palms were getting a bit hairy....

The only positive takeaway from this whole experience is that Mrs NF has told the NF he can daven at the Neighborhood Hashkama minyan (the nicest minyan in town in my book --- not too rushed, ok singing etc) for the next few weeks.

Shavua tov,

the NF