Folks -
While sitting through a very miserable shacharit yesterday, I realized that it was time to introduce a new terminology/concept to the NusachFreak blog. I'm sure all you readers are now very familiar with the gong. Well today, I'd like to introduce the concept of KTC.
A bit of background: My father, Avi Mori, (who should only be well) decided in early middle age that he always really wanted to be a cellist (after having already been trained as a pianist). Let's just say he is no Yo Yo Ma. Fo years, my father has awoken early in the morning to retire to a back bedroom in the house and practice his beloved cello. For anyone awake at that hour and has heard his cello playing, the phrase KTC or killing the cat will come to mind. His playing is a cross between the sound a cat would make while in heat and the sound a cat would make while slowing being tortured.
As I mentioned above, yesterday's shacharit made me think of ktc. The chazzan's nusach wasn't too bad, his singing was. For some reason, everything came out very shrill and pained. Then during kedusha, someone with an equally irritating nd shrill voice started singing along leading to a duet of ktc. Meeeeeeeeeeeeow.
In a more humorous vein:
The gabbai of our shul doesn't speak much English. Pticha was given to a recent anglo oleh --- while the Torah was being taken out of the aron, the gabbai realized that the yad (called an Etzbah in Israel) was not hanging on the Torah. So the gabbai turns to the recent oleh and say, The finger, give me the finger!!!! Awesome.
Shavua tov,
the NF
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Shabbat in Venice, CA
As noted in my last blog, we just spent the last 2 weeks in chul visiting family. Last shabbat found us visiting the NF's wife's family in Venice, CA home to the weirdest shul in the world.
A quick clarification: in my last blog I described a woman rollerblading into shul during musaf wearing a bikini. This did in fact happen a number of years ago but the woman was not the rebbetzin.
All the way to shul Shabbat morning, my father in law kept asking me if I wanted to daven...I didn't because I wanted serious material for the blog. The sacrifices I make for you, the nusachfreak readers.
Shul was everything I was hoping for and more:
1. During psukei dezimra, three different gabbaim gave out shacharit to three different people. It was amusing to watch three guys head up to the shtender all at once until the Rav declared that he himself would daven. Shacharit itself was actually pretty good nusach wise although the Rav used a melody for kedusah that no one other than maybe the rav's great grandfather would have recognized. Akward! But melody selection has been discussed before....and now we have more amusing things to discuss.
2. The Torah was taken out and then the fun began. There was a bar mitzvah...and as I saw the bar mitzvah boy get up there to lein, I knew we would be in for some fine gonging.
3. The Rav first announced that he and only he would be allowed to correct the bar mitzvah boy. When the rav has to make such an announcement, it is usually indicative that the boy shares something in common with most college football players--- he doesn't know how to read.
4. the rav then announced that the boy comes from a Levitical family and that because there were soooo many Levites in the room, they would be using the halacha that one can continue to call up Leviim for shlishi, revii, chamishi as long as you have not called up a yisrael yet. I had never heard of this but who cares because when it came time to call up shlishi, the gabbai messed up and called up a yisrael. Doh!!!
5. the bar mitzvah boy couldn't read. There was not a pasuk without a grammatical or serious trop error. Gong. However, given the poor reading, I was thinking that we were dealing with a public school kid who was doing his best. I asked the NF's shver where this kid went to school. "Oh him?, he goes to ____ Academy, the largest Ortho day school in the area." Gong. Yaamod ____ the son of disappointed parents, Maftir.
6. They called the Rav to the Torah for Shishi. As only he could correct the bar mitzvah, he slowed the bar mitzvah boy down so that the rabbi could eye-scan a pasuk from a chumash, have the boy misread it and then correct him. It was a long aliyah. Gong.
7. When it came time to call the bar mitzvah boy to the Torah for maftir, the gabbai thought he would do a rendition of yaamod, yaamod etc. except the gabbai couldn't sing. The yaamod came out to the melody of the howdy doodie show. Gong.
8. There is no eruv in Venice so the candy they throw at the bar mitzvah boys is reused over and over again. The Sunkist fruit jellies looked like they were about 10 years old. This didn't prevent the NF's two older children from eating about 10 each. Yuck!
9. Someone forgot to teach the Bar Mitzvah boy to read the haftara so someone else got up there to read it (with the bm only making the berachot) but then the Rav realized that no one had bothered to teach the boy the berachot so the rabbi whispered the berachot (before and after) in the bm's ear. Gong.
10. Baal musaf thought he was was a professional chazzan. He wasn't. You know those guys that roll their "rrrrs" thinking they sound chazonish? This guy did that and sounded stupid. His nusach was the pits and every three words had its own submelody making a mish mash of the davening. Gong.
11. Kedusha was the worst. First the guy used that annoying American Naaritzcha melody and then he proceeded to use it again for every other part of kedusah (it doesn't fit). Gong.
12. At this point, the NF's son was complaining of a bad stomachache (I would have had a bad one too had I eaten 10, 10-year old sunkist jellies) and so I decided to go. I missed the sermon which I'm sure included the phrase "Authentic Torah Lifestyle" (doesn't that sound like a condom brand?). The announcements at the shul are usually pretty weird too (Pres of the shul: "Bob got out of prison this week and he is really looking forward to being with us for Shabbat next week.") but I just couldn't take anymore.
It's good to be back in the Holyland...
The NF
A quick clarification: in my last blog I described a woman rollerblading into shul during musaf wearing a bikini. This did in fact happen a number of years ago but the woman was not the rebbetzin.
All the way to shul Shabbat morning, my father in law kept asking me if I wanted to daven...I didn't because I wanted serious material for the blog. The sacrifices I make for you, the nusachfreak readers.
Shul was everything I was hoping for and more:
1. During psukei dezimra, three different gabbaim gave out shacharit to three different people. It was amusing to watch three guys head up to the shtender all at once until the Rav declared that he himself would daven. Shacharit itself was actually pretty good nusach wise although the Rav used a melody for kedusah that no one other than maybe the rav's great grandfather would have recognized. Akward! But melody selection has been discussed before....and now we have more amusing things to discuss.
2. The Torah was taken out and then the fun began. There was a bar mitzvah...and as I saw the bar mitzvah boy get up there to lein, I knew we would be in for some fine gonging.
3. The Rav first announced that he and only he would be allowed to correct the bar mitzvah boy. When the rav has to make such an announcement, it is usually indicative that the boy shares something in common with most college football players--- he doesn't know how to read.
4. the rav then announced that the boy comes from a Levitical family and that because there were soooo many Levites in the room, they would be using the halacha that one can continue to call up Leviim for shlishi, revii, chamishi as long as you have not called up a yisrael yet. I had never heard of this but who cares because when it came time to call up shlishi, the gabbai messed up and called up a yisrael. Doh!!!
5. the bar mitzvah boy couldn't read. There was not a pasuk without a grammatical or serious trop error. Gong. However, given the poor reading, I was thinking that we were dealing with a public school kid who was doing his best. I asked the NF's shver where this kid went to school. "Oh him?, he goes to ____ Academy, the largest Ortho day school in the area." Gong. Yaamod ____ the son of disappointed parents, Maftir.
6. They called the Rav to the Torah for Shishi. As only he could correct the bar mitzvah, he slowed the bar mitzvah boy down so that the rabbi could eye-scan a pasuk from a chumash, have the boy misread it and then correct him. It was a long aliyah. Gong.
7. When it came time to call the bar mitzvah boy to the Torah for maftir, the gabbai thought he would do a rendition of yaamod, yaamod etc. except the gabbai couldn't sing. The yaamod came out to the melody of the howdy doodie show. Gong.
8. There is no eruv in Venice so the candy they throw at the bar mitzvah boys is reused over and over again. The Sunkist fruit jellies looked like they were about 10 years old. This didn't prevent the NF's two older children from eating about 10 each. Yuck!
9. Someone forgot to teach the Bar Mitzvah boy to read the haftara so someone else got up there to read it (with the bm only making the berachot) but then the Rav realized that no one had bothered to teach the boy the berachot so the rabbi whispered the berachot (before and after) in the bm's ear. Gong.
10. Baal musaf thought he was was a professional chazzan. He wasn't. You know those guys that roll their "rrrrs" thinking they sound chazonish? This guy did that and sounded stupid. His nusach was the pits and every three words had its own submelody making a mish mash of the davening. Gong.
11. Kedusha was the worst. First the guy used that annoying American Naaritzcha melody and then he proceeded to use it again for every other part of kedusah (it doesn't fit). Gong.
12. At this point, the NF's son was complaining of a bad stomachache (I would have had a bad one too had I eaten 10, 10-year old sunkist jellies) and so I decided to go. I missed the sermon which I'm sure included the phrase "Authentic Torah Lifestyle" (doesn't that sound like a condom brand?). The announcements at the shul are usually pretty weird too (Pres of the shul: "Bob got out of prison this week and he is really looking forward to being with us for Shabbat next week.") but I just couldn't take anymore.
It's good to be back in the Holyland...
The NF
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Chu"l
Hey Boys and Girls -
Sorry for not having posted in ages. I kept waiting for something interesting to happen in shul but it has been a rather boring summer.
The NF is currently in chutz laaretz visiting family. I spent this past Shabbat with my parents in a small mid-western community and davened in thier irritating local yokel shul (not the yekke shul in which I grew up). I was sure that I would come away with some good blog-fodder being that the davening there usually sucks and the baalei kriah don't really know dikduk but alas, I was dissappointed. The NF was asked to daven friday night. Then there was a bar mitzvah Shabbat mornign so a fairly good baal tephilla davened shacharit. I figured with an American bar mitzvah boy leining we would get a few gongs in (especially given that this past week was one of the highly gongabe parshiot) but alas, the bar mitzvah boy didn't lein and instead an Israeli doing his residency at a local hospital leined insraed, nailing every trop and shva nah/nach. Humph. There was nothign to complain about in musaf either. Only slightly amusing story: the gabbai -- originating from the deep South -- doesn't understand a word of Hebrew. Given the large number of guests in for the bar mitzvah (and a shabbat chatan), numerous hosafot were added. The gabbai kept callign each one up as acharon in this heavy Southern drawel. made me crackup. Hey, it was a slow shabbat. Oh and one other thing, after calling up both the bar mitzvah boy and the chatan, the Rabbi led everyone in an awkward, "we are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance around the bimah. Can't these people get lives?
This coming Shabbat we are out on the West coast and should be davening in the weirdest shul in the US (in Venice, CA). I really hope something bizarre happens --- for example, a few years ago a woman came roller blading into shul in the middle of mussaf wearing nothing other than a bikini...it turns out it was the rebbetzin.
the NF
Sorry for not having posted in ages. I kept waiting for something interesting to happen in shul but it has been a rather boring summer.
The NF is currently in chutz laaretz visiting family. I spent this past Shabbat with my parents in a small mid-western community and davened in thier irritating local yokel shul (not the yekke shul in which I grew up). I was sure that I would come away with some good blog-fodder being that the davening there usually sucks and the baalei kriah don't really know dikduk but alas, I was dissappointed. The NF was asked to daven friday night. Then there was a bar mitzvah Shabbat mornign so a fairly good baal tephilla davened shacharit. I figured with an American bar mitzvah boy leining we would get a few gongs in (especially given that this past week was one of the highly gongabe parshiot) but alas, the bar mitzvah boy didn't lein and instead an Israeli doing his residency at a local hospital leined insraed, nailing every trop and shva nah/nach. Humph. There was nothign to complain about in musaf either. Only slightly amusing story: the gabbai -- originating from the deep South -- doesn't understand a word of Hebrew. Given the large number of guests in for the bar mitzvah (and a shabbat chatan), numerous hosafot were added. The gabbai kept callign each one up as acharon in this heavy Southern drawel. made me crackup. Hey, it was a slow shabbat. Oh and one other thing, after calling up both the bar mitzvah boy and the chatan, the Rabbi led everyone in an awkward, "we are Jewish, this is how we dance" dance around the bimah. Can't these people get lives?
This coming Shabbat we are out on the West coast and should be davening in the weirdest shul in the US (in Venice, CA). I really hope something bizarre happens --- for example, a few years ago a woman came roller blading into shul in the middle of mussaf wearing nothing other than a bikini...it turns out it was the rebbetzin.
the NF
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Shabbat in Jerusalem
The NF's in-laws own a little bed and breakfast on the Midrachov in Jerusalem. It's clean, central, affordable and the kind of place I would want to stay if I were travelling - on budget - to a place like Paris, Madrid, Barcelona etc. However, it is not the kind of place I like to spend Shabbat --- especially given that the NF and his wife have a lovely little house about 30 minutes from Jerusalem. But alas, the NF's mother-in-law is in Israel visiting and the NF's wife informed the NF that we would be spending Shabbat on the Midrachov. This is not the first time we have spent Shabbat in merkaz ha--ir...we ventured a stay in the hotel about 18 months ago. I recall saying then, "I hope I never have to do that again". Oh well.
Anyway, staying in Merkaz Ha-ir afforded the NF the opportunity to go to the Great Synagogue. The NF doesn't love chazzanut per se but the choir is usually Grade A...Given that the Shul is currently without a Chazan Rashi, visting as guest cantor was Lipa Glanz.
First things first, the NF loves when things are just so...that's one reason the NF is an NF and for that reason, I love the Great Synagogue (or any very formal shul)....I love the fact that the Shulchan cover fits perfectly, the fact that the shtenders on the bima each have a differetn symbol reflecting who is meant to sit there (the sign of the state for the PM/President, the J-m sign for the mayor of J-m etc), the place doesn't smell like herring....It makes the place seem like a real mikdash me'at.
Anyway, the NF thoroughly enjoyed:
1. Seeing Jesus show up for Kabbal Shabbat with a group of Polish tourists.
2. Seeing an usher inform Jesus that although he may be a diety, he still needs to wear a kippah in shul.
3. Lipa Glanz's davening. Lipa has avery nice voice -- almost baal tephila-ish...
4. Hearing the choir when they bothered to sing.
5. Seeing the ushers block the doors during Yigdal so that people couldn't leave ----until one old guy pointed to his "makom hamila" and made the pshhhhhhhh sound....the ushers opened the doors pretty quickly.
The NF did not enjoy:
1. The tone deaf old guy that kept bellowing random phrases of the davening every time the choir got singing.
I was shocked to find that Lipa used Carlebach nusach for "Moshe v'Aharon" and then Lcha Dodi. Is it the case that Carebach is a now a valid form of Chazzanut or was the chazzan trying to pimp himself to the kahal by singing soemthign they would actaully recognize? Either way, it wasn't too bad and no one insisted on dancing around the shulachan in that awkward sort of "we are Jewish and this is how we dance" kind of way.
Friday night was miserable for many many reasons that I will not go into....Let me just say that our room had a window which faced the enterence to a night club and from 11:30 PM until 4:30 AM the entire street was literally shaking thanks to the oompa-oompa music. The NF got all of about 2 hours sleep.
Shabbat morning the NF went to a little minyan in Heichal Shelomo that is housed in a room with furniture (aron/ bima etc) from the Sephardi shul in Padua. As noted above, I think the physical setting/avira of the shul can be as important as the nusach itself (places with ugly interiors or that smell like poo/wee/old people/livestock are not my kind of place to daven). Thus, despite a very plain shabbat morning davening led by a bunch of geriatric patients (who for the most part did not smell), it was pleasant enough experience. The NF and his wife peeked into the great synagogue after we had finished davening and managed to catch musaf kedusha....The choir was really not on and simply did not throw any chords for the Chazzan for Naaritzcha. The NF got a kick out of the seeing the chazzan get very peeved when this happened. It was clear that the choir had not had time to rehearse with the chazzan ahead of time...or maybe they just didn't care.
For mincha, the NF and his brother in law went to a little shteibel on Agrippas. It smelled like old herring so when the guy in front of me decided to bring meaning to "v'tisaeini ruach v'eshma acharai kol raash gadol" I almost threw up. I guess the guy remembered that this week was Lag b'omer and thinking of Rabbi Akiva (sheli, shelcha) he decided to share. Such a tzaddik.
The NF is still very tired and I've just been informed that the NF's mother-in-law is joining us for Shabbat at our house this week. Yesurin shel Ahava.
the NF
Anyway, staying in Merkaz Ha-ir afforded the NF the opportunity to go to the Great Synagogue. The NF doesn't love chazzanut per se but the choir is usually Grade A...Given that the Shul is currently without a Chazan Rashi, visting as guest cantor was Lipa Glanz.
First things first, the NF loves when things are just so...that's one reason the NF is an NF and for that reason, I love the Great Synagogue (or any very formal shul)....I love the fact that the Shulchan cover fits perfectly, the fact that the shtenders on the bima each have a differetn symbol reflecting who is meant to sit there (the sign of the state for the PM/President, the J-m sign for the mayor of J-m etc), the place doesn't smell like herring....It makes the place seem like a real mikdash me'at.
Anyway, the NF thoroughly enjoyed:
1. Seeing Jesus show up for Kabbal Shabbat with a group of Polish tourists.
2. Seeing an usher inform Jesus that although he may be a diety, he still needs to wear a kippah in shul.
3. Lipa Glanz's davening. Lipa has avery nice voice -- almost baal tephila-ish...
4. Hearing the choir when they bothered to sing.
5. Seeing the ushers block the doors during Yigdal so that people couldn't leave ----until one old guy pointed to his "makom hamila" and made the pshhhhhhhh sound....the ushers opened the doors pretty quickly.
The NF did not enjoy:
1. The tone deaf old guy that kept bellowing random phrases of the davening every time the choir got singing.
I was shocked to find that Lipa used Carlebach nusach for "Moshe v'Aharon" and then Lcha Dodi. Is it the case that Carebach is a now a valid form of Chazzanut or was the chazzan trying to pimp himself to the kahal by singing soemthign they would actaully recognize? Either way, it wasn't too bad and no one insisted on dancing around the shulachan in that awkward sort of "we are Jewish and this is how we dance" kind of way.
Friday night was miserable for many many reasons that I will not go into....Let me just say that our room had a window which faced the enterence to a night club and from 11:30 PM until 4:30 AM the entire street was literally shaking thanks to the oompa-oompa music. The NF got all of about 2 hours sleep.
Shabbat morning the NF went to a little minyan in Heichal Shelomo that is housed in a room with furniture (aron/ bima etc) from the Sephardi shul in Padua. As noted above, I think the physical setting/avira of the shul can be as important as the nusach itself (places with ugly interiors or that smell like poo/wee/old people/livestock are not my kind of place to daven). Thus, despite a very plain shabbat morning davening led by a bunch of geriatric patients (who for the most part did not smell), it was pleasant enough experience. The NF and his wife peeked into the great synagogue after we had finished davening and managed to catch musaf kedusha....The choir was really not on and simply did not throw any chords for the Chazzan for Naaritzcha. The NF got a kick out of the seeing the chazzan get very peeved when this happened. It was clear that the choir had not had time to rehearse with the chazzan ahead of time...or maybe they just didn't care.
For mincha, the NF and his brother in law went to a little shteibel on Agrippas. It smelled like old herring so when the guy in front of me decided to bring meaning to "v'tisaeini ruach v'eshma acharai kol raash gadol" I almost threw up. I guess the guy remembered that this week was Lag b'omer and thinking of Rabbi Akiva (sheli, shelcha) he decided to share. Such a tzaddik.
The NF is still very tired and I've just been informed that the NF's mother-in-law is joining us for Shabbat at our house this week. Yesurin shel Ahava.
the NF
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Would you like some schmaltz herring with your malawach?
A number of people in the NF's shul told me that my Pesach round-up post was dry, not funny and far too technical. Those same people then mentioned to me that they'd noticed that I haven't blogged in a while. The truth, I have been waiting for someone to royally mess up so that I would have some material to play with...
Such an event occurred at Shabbat Mincha this past week.
This week's theme: Consistency
Before we get to our aforementioned Shabbat Mincha....a public service announcement
"J" of seuda shlishit fame is an excellent baal tephila with a pleasant voice and excellent nusach. But what makes J special is the fact that in the 25+ years since J's bar mitzvah, J has not once altered his nusach or his selection of melodies. Such regularity can generally only be experienced through daily ingestion of Metamucil or a hell of a lot dried fruit. Thus it came as a complete (pleasant) surprise this past Shabbat when J decided to use a new melody for Kel Adon. Well done J....now can you pass me another roll of toilet paper? the guy who used the loo before me seemed to have finished the roll.
Shabbat Mincha
A 13-year old oleh from Australia whose bar mitzvah was only a few months ago led Mincha. First things first, I'd like to give the kid a hearty shkoyach on his willingness to go out there and get some practice as a baal tephilla. Mincha on shabbat is the perfect time to get up there and learn how to be a chazzan not to mention let off some of the steam from lunch's cholent if you know what I mean (there is a reason we say גַּם כִּי-אֵלֵךְ בְּגֵיא צַלְמָוֶת at seudah shlishit)
Given that this kid is a) an oleh chadash b) showed tremendous bravery in davening and c) I'm feeling generous today, we will not be gonging him. Nonetheless, it is important to point out that most inanimate objects could do a better job davening.
OK, so the kid doesn't have the voice of Pavarotti (or Yankel for that matter). that's ok. His mincha sucked because it lacked consistency:
1. Ashrei was said in an Israeli accent
2. By Chazarat Hashatz he was alternating between an Israeli accent, an Israeli accent with a "sa" (avos instead of avot) and the occasional oy as in goymel instead of gomel (his father's accent).
3. He started in Nusach Ashkenaz
4. He reread Elokai Avraham, Elokai yitzchak etc two or three times.
5. He said Baruch....Magen Avraham twice
(OK 4&5 had nothing to do with consistency but it was worth the mention because everyone answered amen twice)
6. Kaddish Titkabel included vayatzmach purkanei
7. the melody/nusach would sort of be there at the beginning of each paragraph and would be gone by the end.
The mitpallel was left feeling confused and kind of icky. When the NF got home and the NF's wife offered him Malawach with schmaltz herring for Seudah Shlishit it was just too much. While the NF likes ethnic food as much as the next guy....(can you pass me another roll of toilet paper please) sometimes mixing and matching different cultures goes and sometimes it doesn't.
Playing with melodies is one thing. I was once at Selihot where Chaim Lazer Herstik (and his amazing choir) sang one stanza of L'shmoa el harina to Adon Haselichot. The NF uses Los Biblicos Cantan (a Ladino Romanza) which most Ashkenazim know as "the Sephardi Tzur Mishalo" for V'shameru in Chazarat Hashat"z of Shabbat Shacharit....but somethings - like nusach and accents - require consistency.
Finally, I'd like to thank Yoni R. for opening the gate to my house this morning. I rewarded Yoni with a cute dirty joke which can't be repeated here becasue Rav Lau may be reading my blog.
Happy Wednesday,
the NF
Such an event occurred at Shabbat Mincha this past week.
This week's theme: Consistency
Before we get to our aforementioned Shabbat Mincha....a public service announcement
"J" of seuda shlishit fame is an excellent baal tephila with a pleasant voice and excellent nusach. But what makes J special is the fact that in the 25+ years since J's bar mitzvah, J has not once altered his nusach or his selection of melodies. Such regularity can generally only be experienced through daily ingestion of Metamucil or a hell of a lot dried fruit. Thus it came as a complete (pleasant) surprise this past Shabbat when J decided to use a new melody for Kel Adon. Well done J....now can you pass me another roll of toilet paper? the guy who used the loo before me seemed to have finished the roll.
Shabbat Mincha
A 13-year old oleh from Australia whose bar mitzvah was only a few months ago led Mincha. First things first, I'd like to give the kid a hearty shkoyach on his willingness to go out there and get some practice as a baal tephilla. Mincha on shabbat is the perfect time to get up there and learn how to be a chazzan not to mention let off some of the steam from lunch's cholent if you know what I mean (there is a reason we say גַּם כִּי-אֵלֵךְ בְּגֵיא צַלְמָוֶת at seudah shlishit)
Given that this kid is a) an oleh chadash b) showed tremendous bravery in davening and c) I'm feeling generous today, we will not be gonging him. Nonetheless, it is important to point out that most inanimate objects could do a better job davening.
OK, so the kid doesn't have the voice of Pavarotti (or Yankel for that matter). that's ok. His mincha sucked because it lacked consistency:
1. Ashrei was said in an Israeli accent
2. By Chazarat Hashatz he was alternating between an Israeli accent, an Israeli accent with a "sa" (avos instead of avot) and the occasional oy as in goymel instead of gomel (his father's accent).
3. He started in Nusach Ashkenaz
4. He reread Elokai Avraham, Elokai yitzchak etc two or three times.
5. He said Baruch....Magen Avraham twice
(OK 4&5 had nothing to do with consistency but it was worth the mention because everyone answered amen twice)
6. Kaddish Titkabel included vayatzmach purkanei
7. the melody/nusach would sort of be there at the beginning of each paragraph and would be gone by the end.
The mitpallel was left feeling confused and kind of icky. When the NF got home and the NF's wife offered him Malawach with schmaltz herring for Seudah Shlishit it was just too much. While the NF likes ethnic food as much as the next guy....(can you pass me another roll of toilet paper please) sometimes mixing and matching different cultures goes and sometimes it doesn't.
Playing with melodies is one thing. I was once at Selihot where Chaim Lazer Herstik (and his amazing choir) sang one stanza of L'shmoa el harina to Adon Haselichot. The NF uses Los Biblicos Cantan (a Ladino Romanza) which most Ashkenazim know as "the Sephardi Tzur Mishalo" for V'shameru in Chazarat Hashat"z of Shabbat Shacharit....but somethings - like nusach and accents - require consistency.
Finally, I'd like to thank Yoni R. for opening the gate to my house this morning. I rewarded Yoni with a cute dirty joke which can't be repeated here becasue Rav Lau may be reading my blog.
Happy Wednesday,
the NF
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Pesach Round-up
My apologies for the lack of postings over the last month but the NF's wife had the NF on cleaning for Pesach duty. Thus, the NF spent much time blowtorching the curtains, ceilings and linens.
Let's begin with Shabbat Hagadol - "Mendy" davens musaf and decides it would be a good idea to sing kaddish to the melody of Mah Nishtana. Thanks Mendy. Don't let the door hit you on your wait out. Mendy has a very nice voice and generally has very very good nusach so I was sort of surprised by his lack of good judgement. Had he used mah nishtana for part of kedusha I would have smiled. Gong.
The NF was asked to do tefillat Tal on the first of Pesach. Didn't do too bad a job if I say so myself. I hadn't davened Tal in 9 years and as I was asked last minute (the night before actually) to daven I couldn't remember what melodies fit the piyyut "Tal Tein". I ended up using a Carlebach niggun (I think it was originally used for "v'hanchilenu" from Birkat Hamazon but I can't be sure). Other melodies that fit:
1. The Seudah Shlishit niggun (it fits to Yonah Maza)
2. Mizmor L'david
3. Barchenu Avinu
4. Naar Hayiti
Other ideas?
Shabbat Chol Hamoed was pretty uneventful other than the fact that the guy who davened musaf didn't really know the yom tov nusach and insisted on singing avinu shebashamayim. It's actually a really nice composition if sung nicely by a choir. Unfortunetly it's become more and more common in the NF's shul to do it EVERY WEEK. (In fact the guy who davened musaf on shabbat chol hamoed always sings it. and badly.) Oversinging it annoys me because:
1. Invariably the baal tephila uses it when we have already been in shul for 3 hours (because of Hallel, Shir Hashirim, Double Parshiot etc) and that adds another 25 minutes to shul. (Ok, not really but it feels like 25 minutes)
2. You need someone who can sing it and enough people in the kahal who can harmonize which is usually not the case.
The NF thinks it should be used for the Shabbay before Yom Haatzmaut and, God Forbid, the first Shabbat after a war breaks out. However, if two or more wars break out, there is no need to keep singing.
The Last day of Chag was pretty uneverntful. Shloime of Shabbat Zachor fame davened aarvit. While Shloime has a really nice voice his nusach was really the pits. It sounded like he heard someone else do Yom Tov Maariv and thought to himself -" boy that can;t be very hard to do". The Brits in the shul were all expecting the Shalosh Regalim Kaddish/March before the amida. Nothing doing. One Israeli in the shul once told me that the Kaddish of dread (used before maftir in the US and before the amida on Friday night in the UK) is only used in Israel during Maariv for shalosh regalim. That may be the case but Shloime didn;t do that one either. Instead he did the regular friday night kaddish without the fancy finish letting everyone know that it was chag. Gong. Maybe it's time to lay off the Slivovitz...And go back to Nusach school.
Mendy davened musaf beautifully but I gave him a grade of B for the simple reason that despite the late hour he thought it would be a good idea to sing, you guessed it, avinu shebashamayim. Other than that his nusach was very very good. Question to those who know these things: For v'Te'erav on chag do you switch to yamim noraim nusach until Hamachazir shchinato ltzion?
Let's begin with Shabbat Hagadol - "Mendy" davens musaf and decides it would be a good idea to sing kaddish to the melody of Mah Nishtana. Thanks Mendy. Don't let the door hit you on your wait out. Mendy has a very nice voice and generally has very very good nusach so I was sort of surprised by his lack of good judgement. Had he used mah nishtana for part of kedusha I would have smiled. Gong.
The NF was asked to do tefillat Tal on the first of Pesach. Didn't do too bad a job if I say so myself. I hadn't davened Tal in 9 years and as I was asked last minute (the night before actually) to daven I couldn't remember what melodies fit the piyyut "Tal Tein". I ended up using a Carlebach niggun (I think it was originally used for "v'hanchilenu" from Birkat Hamazon but I can't be sure). Other melodies that fit:
1. The Seudah Shlishit niggun (it fits to Yonah Maza)
2. Mizmor L'david
3. Barchenu Avinu
4. Naar Hayiti
Other ideas?
Shabbat Chol Hamoed was pretty uneventful other than the fact that the guy who davened musaf didn't really know the yom tov nusach and insisted on singing avinu shebashamayim. It's actually a really nice composition if sung nicely by a choir. Unfortunetly it's become more and more common in the NF's shul to do it EVERY WEEK. (In fact the guy who davened musaf on shabbat chol hamoed always sings it. and badly.) Oversinging it annoys me because:
1. Invariably the baal tephila uses it when we have already been in shul for 3 hours (because of Hallel, Shir Hashirim, Double Parshiot etc) and that adds another 25 minutes to shul. (Ok, not really but it feels like 25 minutes)
2. You need someone who can sing it and enough people in the kahal who can harmonize which is usually not the case.
The NF thinks it should be used for the Shabbay before Yom Haatzmaut and, God Forbid, the first Shabbat after a war breaks out. However, if two or more wars break out, there is no need to keep singing.
The Last day of Chag was pretty uneverntful. Shloime of Shabbat Zachor fame davened aarvit. While Shloime has a really nice voice his nusach was really the pits. It sounded like he heard someone else do Yom Tov Maariv and thought to himself -" boy that can;t be very hard to do". The Brits in the shul were all expecting the Shalosh Regalim Kaddish/March before the amida. Nothing doing. One Israeli in the shul once told me that the Kaddish of dread (used before maftir in the US and before the amida on Friday night in the UK) is only used in Israel during Maariv for shalosh regalim. That may be the case but Shloime didn;t do that one either. Instead he did the regular friday night kaddish without the fancy finish letting everyone know that it was chag. Gong. Maybe it's time to lay off the Slivovitz...And go back to Nusach school.
Mendy davened musaf beautifully but I gave him a grade of B for the simple reason that despite the late hour he thought it would be a good idea to sing, you guessed it, avinu shebashamayim. Other than that his nusach was very very good. Question to those who know these things: For v'Te'erav on chag do you switch to yamim noraim nusach until Hamachazir shchinato ltzion?
One final note, over Pesach one mitpallel mentioned that while davening at the kotel he overheard a baal tephila try to sing hodu/ana Hashem to the meoldy from Adir Hu (which is actually the "correct" nusach according to the Yekkes). But the guy screwed up and sang Maoz Tzur instead. Classic error. Another classic - mixing up Neila and Tal/Geshem. Any others?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
כִּי אֵיכָכָה אוּכַל, וְרָאִיתִי, בָּרָעָה, אֲשֶׁר-יִמְצָא אֶת-עַמִּי
Oy. Oy meh haya lanu. My Shabbat Zachor --- by the NF.
Two yekkes are standing outside Adas Yeshurun in Frankfurt-am-Main discussing Purim. the discussion goes as follows:
Chaver Shimshon: "Chaver Refael, do you know why we read part of megillos esther to the melody of Eichoh?"
Chaver Refael: "No, Chaver Shimshon, why?"
Chaver Shimshon: "Because even on our happiest days we shouldn't be too happy"
Chaver Refael: "If that's so, why don't we read the entie megillos esther to the melody of eichoh?"
Chaver Shimshon: "No one should ever be THAT happy."
The NF is not a big fan of Purim --- the balagan, the noise the levels of excess, the whole v'nahafoch hu thing just doesn't do it for me. I like things orderly, in thier place etc. For the same reasons I don't enjoy Simchat Torah very much either.
There are many things that drive me crazy on Purim
Two yekkes are standing outside Adas Yeshurun in Frankfurt-am-Main discussing Purim. the discussion goes as follows:
Chaver Shimshon: "Chaver Refael, do you know why we read part of megillos esther to the melody of Eichoh?"
Chaver Refael: "No, Chaver Shimshon, why?"
Chaver Shimshon: "Because even on our happiest days we shouldn't be too happy"
Chaver Refael: "If that's so, why don't we read the entie megillos esther to the melody of eichoh?"
Chaver Shimshon: "No one should ever be THAT happy."
The NF is not a big fan of Purim --- the balagan, the noise the levels of excess, the whole v'nahafoch hu thing just doesn't do it for me. I like things orderly, in thier place etc. For the same reasons I don't enjoy Simchat Torah very much either.
There are many things that drive me crazy on Purim
- having to sit - while still fasting --- through a long megilla reading at night with some 11 year old sounding an air horn every time he hears Haman giving me a nasty migraine.
- The sheer levels of waste that go into Mishloach Manot
- How the idea of v'nahafoch hu has morphed into a blanket heter to do anything and everything during tephilla not only on Purim itself, but also on the Shabbat before (Zachor). The NF would like to rant and rave for a moment on this very point.
The NF can carry a tune (translation: I have been trained as a baal tephilla --- I end up davening every 6-8 weeks and generally lead a tephilla or 2 or 3 over R"H and Y"k)...when I got to shul this past Friday afternoon, the gabbai asked me if I wanted to daven. Being that I hadn't slept in about 4 days and had a bad headache, I declined....instead a kid got up there to lead....
One of the gabbaim then hijacked Lecha Dodi and used the melody from Meshenichnas Adar. (It sort of fits). then they started dancing. Knowing my feelings about melodies that sort of fit and dancing during kabbalat shabbat the Gonging Gabbai then came over to me to see what I thought. Being in a generous mood, I responded that there is no gonging on Shabbat Zachor or on Purim....At least that's how I felt until I got to shul on Shabbat Morning.
While putting on my talit, I was informed that I was davening Shacharit --- no big deal. As an honest NF, I need to admit that I gonged myself --- I went a little flat on a little chazzzanus bit at the end of Yishtabach that I picked up from Lionel Rosenfeld and the Shabbaton Choir. I'd nailed that bit a number of times....not sure what threw me off this Shabbat. The judges were kind although the score from the Bulgarian judge was only a 6.5. Gong.
We finished up leining zachor in the ashkenazi, sephardi and teimani traditions. One guy named Bob also insisted in reading it in "burp voice" but again I was in a generous mood and no gongs were given out. Then it happened. It was 10:20 AM (we usually finish by 9:45), it was hot in the house we were davening in and there were about 300 women waiting outside to hear zachor. Shloime Baruch gets up there and decides that it would be a good idea to shlep. First he sang avinu sheba shamayim . 20 minutes later he finished and I think that everyone in the shul agreed that he deserved a gonging. Even Shloime's mother.
Shloime put back the torah and starts kaddish to the melody of the Y"k victory kaddish (why he didn't use the y"k pre-musaf kaddish is also a mystery) . Gong. Then in chazarat hashatz, he did a whole chazzanus piece that led into the melody of avot from the yamim noraim. Gong. In kedusha he used yachad yachad for Keter and messed up the phrasing. Gong. He then repeated Kvodo maleh olam about 30 times until a bat kol came and down and informed us that The Abishter couldn't stand it any more and He and His Kavod would be exiting the olam for a little while. Gong. Adding insult to injury, Shloime then used the Carlebach mimkomcha for mimkomo...that would be fine except that it had already been used in Aarvit friday night and in NF's shacharit kedusha. You can't keep reusing the same melodies like that. Although I try to be dan lchaf zchut, I have a feeling that Shloime came a bit late to shul and was unaware that the melody had already been used. Gong. The reaction to Shloime's offensive davening was the mitpalilim started having shilshul right there in the shul --- that is all the mitpalilim other than the constipated ones. they threw up.
you know you have done something wrong when Yankel of El Solo Mio fame 's reaction is: "You don't mess with Yom Kippur. That was wrong. I'm having a bunch of guys over for Cornettos after shul. Shloime is not invited". Gong.
A fellow mitpalel overheard Shloime explain that his shananagins were based on what his yeshiva used ot do on Shabbat Zachor. Of course Shloime learned at Yeshivat Malbish Arumim in Eilat --- not exactly a bastion of erudition and scholarship.
The NF does not understand why people constantly confuse simcha with making fun of davening. The same sort of thing that happened in NF's shul this past week happens on Simchat Torah. I'm all for creating a unique avira on special shabbatot. In Gush, the chutznikim would form a choir for Shabbat Zachor and the best best best baalei tephila led davening.In my little yekke shul growing up we celebrated Simchat Torah through pomp and circumstance rather than through wild partying. There is no reason special occaisons must be somber but making the davening on special days hefker only goes to degrade, not enhance.
Chag Purim Sameach,
the NF
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